


Shelter

by Bradypop



Category: The 100, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Foster Care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-06 07:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10329248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bradypop/pseuds/Bradypop
Summary: The building in front of her loomed ominously as she wrapped the frayed sweater around her shivering body. She knew it was just a simple office building and the dread in the pit of her stomach was unreasonable, but she couldn't shake the feeling. She knew walking into those doors would put an end to the only world she had ever known, and she just didn't know how to accept that.Lexa had been tossed between foster homes since she was a kid. Her last chance at a normal life is standing right in front of her with the Griffin family but she didn't know how to accept that fate.





	1. Arkadia Social Services

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I've previously published for a different fandom. It has been rewritten and reworked completely.

The building in front of her loomed ominously as she wrapped the frayed sweater around her shivering body. She knew it was just a simple office building and the dread in the pit of her stomach was unreasonable, but she couldn't shake the feeling. She knew walking into those doors would put an end to the only world she had ever known, and she just didn't know how to accept that.

Her tattered sweater let the nipping air in, causing goose bumps to rise all over her body. She was lucky to even have the old well-worn sweater. As the temperatures dropped into freezing levels, she knew the poor excuse for protection would not be any help for much longer, but it was all she had. It had been her sole possession for two years now, she felt a strong protective urge over it.

It was a fading grey color, with a few buttons on the front. There were more when she originally got it, but as time went on they each started to fall off, leaving just three that were barely secured to the sweater still. She hugged the material around herself again, never bothering with the buttons knowing they would probably just fall off. 

"Stupid cold," she muttered under her breath her voice hoarse and raspy from the lack of use. She wasn’t positive what month it was anymore, she had long since stopping paying attention to the date. 

To her, each passing day meant one more day she had to struggle to survive and find food and a place to keep warm. As disheartening as it sounded, she sometimes wished that her days would just stop passing. She assumed from the snow on the ground it was well into winter, probably around December, but for all she knew it could be well after that. She didn’t remember seeing people celebrating the holidays yet, so maybe her guess was closer than she thought.

She could barely read the doorplate of the building from where she was standing, 'Arkardia Social Services'. Her eyesight got worse as every day passed. Lexa assumed she needed some type of corrective glasses but she'd never been tested for them. Social services seemed too official for her. She hated even the remote idea of social services. They had screwed her life over from day one, but here she was coming back to them once again with the hope of change.

Her slow methodical movements attempted to keep her brain occupied as she got closer and closer to the front door. The lettering finally got clear as she stepped up to the building. She counted the cracks in the cement walkway she passed over carefully avoiding each crack, a game she played in her head to distract her thoughts from coming in. Today, though, the distraction was useless, her thoughts bombarded her bringing with them numerous questions and doubts.

Inside her head she knew not to get too hopeful. Just yesterday she was sleeping on a cot at the women's shelter next to an older woman whose face was full of bruises and wandering the streets during the day trying to find some free food and any available warmth. She lived off other people's leftovers and could only hope for generosity and pity to get her through each night. Some days there was no food to be found and the food banks were too crowded to help her out. Some days she lived off water from public drinking fountains and nothing else.

The shelters were starting to turn her away at night. She had become too much of a familiar face and the shelters did not want regulars to develop routines of dependence on them. She wasn’t sure what would happen to her if she had to find shelter on the streets at night. She didn’t think she’d be able to survive with the dropping temperatures.

Her last hope for any kind of a future was standing less than fifty feet in front of her. She knew she had to go in there, and she prayed something good would come of it. The idea was suffocating her. Never before had she been so close to change and she just wasn't sure how to deal with it. She felt as though she was walking this path under water and her oxygen tank was just barely out of reach. 

The building was nice; various desks were skewed about the area with workers manning their phones and computers. There were other kids that looked to be about her age sitting in front of the desks talking to the workers behind them. She noticed many large filing cabinets with workers searching through them on one side of the wall and the other wall was lined with separate offices with windows all covered by shades.

She was amazed that she had yet to receive any glares or disgusted looks from the workers inside. Normally once people realized she was in their presence they let her know that she was less than welcome. Today though, people didn't gawk at her appearance, nobody turned their face away quickly hoping she would take the hint. Maybe today was going to be different.

She observed all the names on the doors trying to remember the name she had heard yesterday. After a quick first inspection her heart sank, she didn't see the name anywhere. She looked again hoping she had not been made a fool of.

"Griffin," she whispered the name coming to her as her eyes landed on the last office before the door that she must have previously overlooked.

Nerves fluttered her stomach as she stepped up to the door and raised her hand to knock. It took her a moment to collect herself before she was able to knock her knuckles gently against the door.

"Come in," she heard a man answer from inside and she slowly turned the doorknob to enter the office. She was greeted by a middle aged man with a warm smile. His hair and face showed signs of aging but his overall demeanor hid anything else of the sort. The man held out his hand for her to shake but she hesitated staring at the man's hand. She was not use to adults, or anyone for that matter, showing her any signs of respect, even a simple gesture like a handshake.

He withdrew his hand observing her obvious hesitance, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable then she might already be.

"Please have a seat," he directed her to a chair in front of his desk. "Would you like any coffee? Or maybe something to eat? We have bagels and muffins."

A simple head shake from the girl in front of him was her only response letting him know she was not interested.

"Ok, well, why don't we get some basic introductions out of the way, sound good?" he asked hoping for a more vocal response but once again he was met with a simple nod of her head. Use to these sort of actions, he continued on not missing a beat.

"My name is Jake Griffin, but please just call me Jake. I struggle with the idea of being old enough to be known as Mr. Griffin just yet. Anyway, I've lived in Arkardia for quite a few years now. I moved here from LA after my wife got promoted and was transferred to a local hospital. I have three kids who are around your age. My oldest daughter, Raven, is a freshman in college right over at Ark State studying engineering. She was adopted when she was two. She was taken away from her parents when they were arrested for drug possession and found her way into our home. I like to joke that she gets all her brains from me. 

My son, Bellamy, was adopted into our family when he was eight years old. His dad had left his family when he was a baby and his mom passed away when he was seven. He came into my office one day looking for a new family and that’s exactly what he found. He's a senior at Arkadia High and plays on the football team.

The baby of the family, Clarke, is a junior at Arkadia and a very bright girl. We were always told we’d never be able to have children of our own, Clarke was our surprise baby. She’s on the soccer team and sings in the chorus," he explained knowing the more he shared about himself the more apt she would be to share information about herself. He handed her a family photograph he kept on his desk and continued with his introduction but her interest remained with the picture.

The Griffins looked like the perfect family. All of them were very beautiful in their own way. She could pick out the two children that didn’t quite resemble the parents but they still appeared like the fit perfectly. The photograph induced a very foreign feeling in her, jealousy. She was never one to feel jealous, she accepted that life had dealt her a really horrible hand and she moved on, no need to make herself feel worse by seeing how good some had it.

She was vaguely aware of Jake still talking to her about his previous jobs and his love for cooking but she could not drag her eyes away from the picture.

She was also beginning to think coming here was a big mistake. Clearly from all she's heard so far, Jake has had a very good life, and she just wasn't sure how he was going to be able to help her at all. She doubted he has ever been through anything close to what she has been through in her short life.

As she raised her eyes from the picture, she realized he had stopped talking and was looking at her with another warm smile and seemingly expecting something from her. Not one for many words, she just looked briefly again at the picture before handing it back to him.

"Why don't you just start with telling me your name, or maybe even why you came here today? Remember I'm here to help and anything you want to share will be helpful," he reassured.

"I-," she hesitated having not heard her voice out loud in quite a while. It was low and raspy, clearly showing how long it had been since she had spoken, "I don't know why I came here today exactly."

"Okay well, how about how you found out about me and my office?" he offered trying to coax some background information from her. He knew not to push a person like her too hard, he knew she’d revert back in on herself and any hope he had of getting through to her would be lost. This was definitely not the first troubled teenager he’d had in his office before, but the genuine sympathy and concern he felt for this young girl was something he hadn’t felt in close to ten years.

"One of the ladies at the shelter mentioned that you had helped her get back on her feet and I guess I just thought that-," she trailed off, not exactly sure what she had expected to happen. She felt stupid immediately, did she really expect to walk in here and have him hand her a new life? She was suddenly ready to run as far away from here as possible.

"I will do whatever I can to help you out," he told her still with the warm smile on his face sensing her discomfort. He wanted to get her talking again and quell the fear he could see on her face. "First of all, why don't we talk about why you're at the women's shelter?"

"I don't have anywhere else to sleep and it's been too cold to sleep outside," she answered simply, ashamed that it was the truth. After this confession she wrapped her arms tight around herself, ashamed of the tattered sweater she was wearing and hoping the action would hide it. 

"Where is your family?" he asked knowing this girl most likely didn't have one. He had dealt with far too many young kids who were living on the streets after really horrible childhoods.

"I don't know. I’ve been in foster care since I was a baby and after bouncing around between families for 15 years, I just gave up on the system. I’ve lived on the streets for the last two years," she explained sharing more then she had expected she would.

"Legally, you can still be placed in a family for another year," he told her knowing that was not what she wanted. He had seen the system do some pretty horrible things to kids, he wasn't surprised she had given up on it.

"I'm tired of these families. All they ever want is the check from the government. They never care about me or actually taking care of my needs." After being placed in over twenty homes in the span of her fifteen years in foster care, the last thing she wanted was another temporary home with people who would never care.

Jake looked at the young girl in front of him. She was his youngest daughter's age, which made his heart ache. He just couldn't imagine any of his kids sitting in front of him today having gone through this. He really wanted to be able to something to help this girl out, but legally all he would be able to do is place her in a foster family.

It was apparent to him that she needed new clothes and probably hadn't ever had any sense of normalcy in her life. There was only one other time his heart ached so much for one of his clients and that young man now lives with him as a member of his family.

"When was the last time you had a good meal?" he asked knowing it had been awhile.

"I only had one family that ever cooked for me, but I was really young and they decided to have their own children, so it has been quite a while." She was heartbroken when a social worker came and took her away from that family. They were the only ones that ever showed affection to her or proved they cared about her. She never really understood why she had to leave the house, the social worker told her the family wanted to start having their own kids, but the answer never sat well with her.

"Well then get prepared for a great meal because tonight you'll be enjoying the fine foods of chef Griffin," he told her with a bright smile. Normally, he wouldn't bring a client back to his house, but this girl needed some structure and needed a good home cooked meal. He wanted her to meet his family and get the opportunity to sleep on a real bed in a house for a change.

He would make sure she got as much of the basic necessities as she would need and try to work with her to get into school. Based on what he had told her so far, Jake could assume Lexa hadn't been enrolled in school in quite a while. He wanted nothing more than to fix that. She would never stand a chance if she went on without any sort of education.

"I appreciate the offer Mr. Griffin," she started but was cut off before she could finish her refusal.

"I won't take no for an answer, and please call me Jake." His statement was final and even though she would never say it, it felt really good to not to have to worry about where she was going to find food for one night.

"Just one more thing before we go," she nodded for him to continue, "all this time and you never told me your name."

She looked at him quizzically, wondering why she had shared so much about her but left out something as simple as her name.

"It's Lexa."


	2. Chapter 2

When Lexa was younger she liked to play a game when she was walking where she would avoid all the cracks in the sidewalk for fear that she might just fall in and disappear. Getting tossed from one family to another left her without very many friends so she needed something to keep her mind occupied. 

She had been in houses with other kids her age before but she never attempted to befriend any of them. None of them ever looked at her like a sibling and she wasn’t going to make that effort to get hurt in the end when she was abandoned once again.

Before long the game in her head became a metaphor for her life, avoid all the cracks and bumps for fear that one day you just might disappear. She knew if she ever were to disappear into one of those cracks, no one would miss her. No one would know she was missing and go looking for her. She’d simply just be gone and the world would carry on like nothing had changed. She’d become another statistic on a chart somewhere and life would move on.

As she sat in the well-used minivan with Jake she felt like she was teetering on the edge of one of the biggest cracks of her life. If this went well, she might overcome all of it all and start a brand new chapter of her life, if not she would fall in and her life, for all intents and purposes, would be over.

She was trying to watch the route they were taking in case she needed to find her way back to the downtown area for the shelters. She had lost the route a few turns ago and cursed herself silently knowing she’d have a lot of walking to do. 

“Abby likes to make fun of me when I sing but I know I’m horrible. Sometimes it’s just fun to have a good laugh at yourself. And honestly, who can stop themselves from singing along with Bon Jovi?”

Jake was currently teaching her about the band that was on the radio, but she was having a hard time paying much attention to what he was saying. Music never really held her interest, the only time she got to listen to it was when she was warming up in a store that had music playing and she was never usually around long enough to listen to much of it.

She remembered one of the families she had been staying with, the only good one she’d ever been placed with, loved playing music. The melody and words had since faded from her memory, but she could recall the feeling she got watching her foster parents dance around their kitchen with bright smiles on their faces. It was one of the few times she felt that warm sensation deep within her that she would much later equate with true happiness. 

"What kind of music do you like?" he asked as they pulled up to a red light shaking her from her thoughts of a time long since passed.

Lexa looked up from her lap where she had been previously picking at a loose string on her sleeve, distracting herself from what felt like her impending doom. She knew it was unfounded, Jake appeared to be a very nice man and from what he described his family seemed nice as well, but Lexa, once again, could not shake the feeling of dread deep in her stomach.

"I don't really get to listen to a lot of music," she told him while observing the neighborhood surrounding her. She finally gave up on following the route after she lost track. Jake gave her another warm smile, almost trying to apologize for the horrible hand she had been dealt. 

The houses outside passing by her window were beautiful. The suburbs of Arkadia were not an area that she had the chance to spend much time in. The majority of the foster homes she was placed in were located in the city. She imagined Jake lived in a house similar to these, with a picket fence outside and completely spotless inside. 

She pictured three perfectly dressed kids and felt even more ostracized as she gazed upon her outfit, an old pair of black sweatpants that had various holes scattered in them and plenty of stains that she couldn’t explain if she needed to, a ratty red t-shirt that she had been given at one of the shelters she went to, black sneakers that looked to be held together by some well-placed tape that were at least two sizes too small, and her sweater which was also littered with holes and barely hanging on by a thread.

Just gazing at the sweater made her fill with guilt. She had stolen it from an unoccupied baby carriage one day while she was passing through a public park. Lexa had always told herself she’d never resort to stealing but she had been beyond desperate for something to keep her warm as the winter weather started to set in. 

She wasn't sure how Jake was going to help her, she doubted he had ever gone without food, clothes, and shelter for anywhere near as long as she has. Most people that tried to help her failed because they couldn't identify with what she was going through and eventually gave up because she was too guarded to let anyone really in.

"I know it doesn't seem like it, but you and I have a lot more in common than you think," he told her not elaborating any further. She didn’t question how he knew what she had been thinking about. Lexa just accepted the statement, not sure what he meant or how true it could be, but placed it in her memory hoping he would explain further later.

After another few quiet minutes of driving, Jake pulled the car into a driveway of a two story house on a quiet side street. A meticulously decorated garden lined the short path from the driveway to the door and an old fashioned wishing well sat on the lawn with more flowers surrounding it. The house was something she imagined she would see in movies. It was a pale blue color with a large garage attached to the side. The shutters were pure white and void of any dirt like they had just been painted today.

After spending so much of her time in the streets in the inner city she forgot that places like these suburbs existed. It was blatantly obvious just from looking at the house that Jake and his family had money. She silently wondered why he drove such a run down and well used car when he could clearly afford something more expensive. Her suspicions were confirmed when she spied three much more expensive looking cars in the driveway. 

Noticing her hesitance to step out of the car, Jake made the first move, unbuckling his seat belt and opening the door. After his actions clicked in her brain, Lexa moved towards her seat belt, removing it from the holder and opening the passenger door.

The suffocating feeling returned as Jake led the way to the front door. She felt like a gladiator about to walk into the coliseum to be made a spectacle of. The door opened and she waited for the angry lion to charge at her and put an end to her pathetic life.

Her eyes remained glued to the ground as she was lead into the foyer of his house. He took his coat off and placed it over the coat rack next to the door and motioned for her to do the same.

She shook her head no and wrapped her arms around herself feeling as though she needed to protect the one possession she owned. This sweater was a symbol of her survival, her one lifeline during the freezing days. She knew it wouldn't be stolen or taken away from her here, but she hadn't taken it off since she got it and it would feel really uncomfortable parting with it.

Her eyes fell back to the floor as an older blonde woman with kind eyes appeared in the living room.

"Abby, this is Lexa, she's going to be staying with us for a few days," Jake explained as though this was a normal occurrence. Abby didn't seem fazed by Lexa's appearance in her house which made a small part of the suffocating uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach disappear.

"It's nice to meet you, Lexa," Abby greeted assuming this was a client of her husband's. "Come in and make yourself at home, I was just starting on dinner. Do you like pasta?"

Inside her head, Lexa was waiting for the camera man to jump out and tell her this was all a big prank, that she needed to turn around and find her own way back to whatever shelter would take her back. She could tell it was late enough that she’d never find a shelter tonight with any available space for her. 

The aroma of the pasta Abby was cooking wafted to Lexa's nose making her usually empty stomach growl loudly. Ashamed that her stomach made her stick out even further, she wrapped her arms even tighter around her body and hoped and prayed she would just disappear into one of those cracks she tried so hard to avoid.

"Would you like something to drink?" Jake asked knowing the offer would distract her from her discomfort and would get her further into the house easily.

"No, no thank you," Lexa stuttered nervously. She had never been in a situation like this before and she wasn't sure how to act. She wanted nothing more than to eat and drink what they were offering, she just didn’t feel comfortable agreeing to take anything from them.

"Do you want to meet the kids? I’m sure Bellamy and Clarke are around here somewhere. Raven’s probably still at school, we don’t see her much during the week," he asked not wanting to put her into a situation she wasn't ready for just yet. 

She wasn't sure how to answer that. She hadn't had the opportunity to meet a lot of people her age in a very long time. She hadn't attended school since she was ten, and the women's shelters she had been staying at didn't have many women close to her age. She didn't know how to act around other teenagers anymore.

Lexa replied with a simple shrug of her shoulders, truly not sure how to answer the question.

"Well how about this, I'll take you up to the guest room and you can relax before dinner, sound good?" he asked in a gentle tone. Jake understood that the young girl felt extremely out of place and wanted to do anything he could to rid her of the uncomfortable feeling.

"Okay," she answered simply earning a warm smile from the older man.

He led her up the stairs to a small guest room and explained where the bathroom was and who occupied the other bedrooms surrounding hers.

"I'll let you know when dinner is ready," he departed from the room leaving the door open. Unsure of what she was supposed to do now, Lexa sat on the edge of the bed. She knew her clothes weren't clean so she didn't want to lie down on their clean sheets. She knew better than to make a mess, she’d learned her lesson a long time ago.

She fiddled with the tattered sleeve of her sweater once again, finding comfort in the familiar motion.   
Their guest room was very nice and organized. A small bureau sat in the corner of the room under a small window with a view overlooking the backyard. A study desk sat along the other wall, with a desk lamp and various school utensils sitting on top. A decent size TV sat on a stand on the wall adjacent to the bed presumably for watching while lounging in bed. Lexa knew it was just a simple guest room, but it was by far the cleanest and fanciest room she had been in for quite a few years.

Lexa desperately wanted to get some sleep in the comfortable bed. It looked warm and inviting and just sitting on it made her feel sleepy and relaxed. She wished her clothes weren't dirty so she could lie back and fall asleep in the cushy pillows. 

"Lexa, would you like some pajamas?" Abby asked after observing Lexa's apprehension from the doorway. The older women gave the scared girl a warm smile after she jumped slightly at the new presence. She felt horrible for the girl and she still didn't understand how her husband was able to see so many kids in similar situations and still maintain such a good demeanor.

Startled at the new presence in the room, Lexa simply shook her head. It was still very unusual for her to have an adult treating her with respect and trying to help her.

"You look like you could use some sleep. Why don't you change into these, get some sleep, and come find me when you wake up and I'll heat up some dinner for you?" Abby suggested noticing dark circles around the girl's eyes and knowing they only meant one thing. Abby knew the signs of exhaustion and starvation, she could identify them on Lexa after her first glance at the small girl.

Abby placed a simple white t-shirt and flannel pair of pajama pants onto the bed next to the young girl. She placed an oversized sweatshirt down as well to replace the well-worn sweater she currently had on.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding in your house," Lexa apologized in a scared voice as Abby was heading out of the room. Abby was quick to turn back and shake her head at the comment.

"You're not intruding at all. If Jake really believes you need to be here, you will be welcome in this house," Abby reassured. Her maternal instincts told her to hug Lexa and do whatever else she could to comfort the clearly overwhelmed girl. It took a lot of willpower to stay out of her personal space and let her adjust accordingly.

"I don’t.. I don’t remember ever feeling welcome somewhere before," she admitted picking up the t-shirt that had been placed next to her. She ran her hands over the soft material, trying to remember the last time she had clean clothes in her hands to put on. 

"This family will change your mind about that," Abby consoled. "Try and get some sleep, you look exhausted. Jake and I will be downstairs in the living room, just come down whenever you're ready to eat."

"Thank you," Lexa stated before Abby left the room leaving the girl in the quiet once again.

It felt peculiar to Lexa, the feeling of having a place to stay at night that didn't kick her out first thing in the morning and send her into the cold to somehow find food and warmth. Normally she wouldn't be allowed to return until late into the night and would only get the bed if they all hadn't been claimed.

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to be doing. She figured she’d try changing into the pajamas and getting some rest. Abby was definitely right, she certainly was exhausted. The shelters had been noisy and overcrowded the last few weeks and sleep had been a hard thing to come by. 

Lexa closed the door and stopped for a minute in front of it trying to get the motivation to take off the clothes she was wearing. She hadn't been undressed in a long time and it was weird for her. She felt exposed just thinking about being naked and far too vulnerable for her liking. 

She quickly stripped her clothes off and put the new clean ones on. The soft material felt amazing around her body. 

The bed looked very inviting and the tiredness was setting in much stronger than before. She opened the door back up, not sure whether or not it was proper to leave it open or close it while sleeping.

Just as the door was being opened a young blonde girl passed by the door. She jumped in surprise at the sudden appearance, causing her to drop the phone she had in her hand. Lexa recognized her from the picture Jake had showed her in the office but she was clearly older now. Her hair was long and wavy in the picture she had been shown but her hair was shorter now and straight. 

The girl picked up her phone and turned quickly at the surprising guest in their house not remembering her parents telling her about a guest and she was sure neither of her siblings would just randomly bring a girl home.

"Um, hi. I don’t think we’ve met?" the blonde asked observing the pajamas on the brunette in front of her with a curious eye. Lexa could feel herself be scrutinized by the girl in front of her whose name she couldn’t remember for the life of her. 

"Your dad's letting me stay here for the night. I’m sorry I scared you," she answered simply for once feeling comfortable talking to another person. Strangely she felt a sense of calmness inside her that she couldn't recall ever feeling before. 

"I'm Clarke and don’t worry, I’ll survive a little shock. I drop this thing like it's on fire all the time," she smiled extending her hand to the other girl who didn't hesitate to reach out and shake it back. The feeling of calm became almost overwhelming as their hands touched which confused Lexa. She wasn't sure what was going on in her body. It felt like butterflies were fluttering mercilessly in her stomach searching for a way to get out.

“Lexa,” she answered not breaking eye contact with her.

"It's really nice to meet you. I’m guessing you’re getting ready for a nap?” she asked and received a nod in response from Lexa. “Well I’ll let you get to it then. My room is right next door, don't hesitate to knock if you need anything at all," Clarke explained sending the girl another smile and moving to continue down the hall to give her some privacy.

She stopped abruptly and turned back, her mouth curling into a wicked smile that Lexa couldn't help but think was unbelievably adorable. "By the way, cute pajamas."

Lexa looked down at the pajamas after Clarke disappeared down the stairs. It occurred to her after a few minutes that the clothes probably belonged to Clarke. They were slightly too big on Lexa's undersized frame. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t feel more uncomfortable about that fact but something about wearing Clarke’s clothes felt right. 

Lexa attributed it to her exhaustion and general unawareness about simple human interaction. She didn’t have any other reason why a complete stranger made her feel so comfortable.

When Lexa finally settled into the bed after deciding to close the door to the room, it took barely five minutes before sleep found her.


	3. Chapter 3

Good dreams rarely occurred for Lexa. Not once in her life did she remember having a pleasant dream that stayed within her consciousness very long after she woke up. 

Her nightmares, which were frequent and usually unrelenting, stayed with her for a very long time and haunted her thoughts for days. Nightmares of abandonment, danger, and having to run for her life frequented most of her nights.

She knew abandonment was the scariest of all for her. She’d dealt with the pain from that emotion all her life, whether it be from the nightmares that plagued her nights or the situations that were handed to her during the day. After being sent away from foster home after foster home, the deep seeded sting of abandonment just never faded. 

Her sleep in the Griffin guest room was unusually pleasant. No nightmares visited her during the night, she didn't wake up in a cold sweat after theoretically running for her life. She felt, strangely, at ease in this house. She woke up feeling like she belonged here, like she was finally home and the feeling scared her horribly. She’d never forget the pain of abandonment that came when she let herself become complacent in a home.

Feeling at home was bad, because once this was taken away from her, like every other one, she will be left feeling even more empty and ashamed. Lexa couldn't let herself get comfortable here, not when she knew she would be back on the streets far too soon.

She had made the mistake of getting comfortable with a family once. They had been compassionate and loving and Lexa fell quickly in love with the family. Unfortunately for her, her time at the home was cut short and she was taken from them and left with no believable explanation and no place to call home.

After that family she gave up on feeling love or feeling at home. Not one to be burned by the same mistake twice, Lexa shut her heart off from everyone causing the next families she was placed with to quickly give up on her. 

Eventually the feeling of rejection and abandonment became too much to handle so she opted to live on the streets and forgo being placed in family after family that wouldn't and couldn't love her.

As unsafe and uncomfortable as it was living on the streets, she knew it was better than being put in more homes that really didn’t want her. She was tired of feeling unwanted, she’d rather just feel insignificant. 

The clock next to her bed read quarter to nine, so she knew she'd only been asleep for a few hours. She could still feel a heavy exhaustion weighing down on her, but the grumbling in her stomach was winning the battle in her head.

Remembering that Abby said she'd heat some food up for her, Lexa made her way downstairs finding her on the couch watching TV with an older girl whose name she couldn't remember. She was the oldest child Jake referred to, the college student who had been adopted when she was a young child.

She was dressed similarly to Lexa, in a pair of red sweat pants and a white hoodie. She looked bored out of her mind but after glancing at the TV and seeing what appeared to be some news report on it, she understood why.

Abby heard the footsteps on the stairs and turned to greet the young girl assuming she was coming down to get some food. Abby was slightly surprised to see her awake at all, she figured Lexa would end up sleeping straight through the night.

"Hey there, it’s very nice of you to join us in the conscious world. Are you hungry?" Abby asked in a gentle tone when Lexa met her eyes. She nodded her head feeling uncomfortable around the third person in the room who had yet to take their eyes off of her. Sensing a tension coming from the girl Abby introduced Lexa to Raven.

"Lexa will be staying with us for a little while," she explained simply to the girl.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you," she greeted with in a kind tone. She couldn't recall Clarke telling her she had a friend staying over so she made the assumption that Lexa might be one of her dad's clients. It didn’t happen often but the whole family knew what their dad did for a living and what kind of situations his clients were normally in.

Abby signaled for Lexa to join her in the kitchen, hoping to help the girl get more comfortable around her. Her oldest daughter tended to be very in your face and loud and she knew that might be too much for Lexa to handle currently. Honestly, there were plenty of times Raven was too much for even Abby to handle.

"Did you sleep okay?" Abby asked as the microwave heated up the plate of pasta she had put aside for the young girl.

"Yes," she answered simply still uncomfortable around adults. She wanted to be as polite as possible. She was taught from a very young age that adults were to be respected and the less she spoke, the better off she would be.

"Jake and I still have a lot more to talk about, but I want you to know that you are welcome in this house as long as you need to be here," Abby explained hoping Lexa would take her seriously. 

Jake and Abby had sat down after Lexa had gone upstairs and talked about the options Lexa had. Jake was brutally honest about what would likely happen to Lexa if she ended up back on the streets. Abby had seen enough as an ER surgeon to know the horrors homeless people faced day in and day out. Just last week a young women had been brought in suffering from frostbite so severe she didn't make it overnight. Abby may not have known Lexa long but her stomach clenched at the thought of Lexa rolling into her ER one day, on the verge of death.

"No I don't want to be a burden. I'll go back to the shelter after tonight," Lexa said hoping she wouldn't actually have to go back there. 

"You will not be going back to that shelter," Jake said appearing behind her having heard some of the conversation. "Abby and I talked enough about it, we want you to start going to school and stay here while you do so. This is an opportunity to start over, I'll file the paperwork to officially have you placed here if that's what you want. We just don't want you going back out onto the streets."

The words didn't seem real to Lexa. She had heard similar words many times in her short life and every time ended up being a letdown for her. Every house she was placed in turned out horrible and treated her as though she was trash.

Going against every cell in her body screaming to not trust this family, to not be fooled once again, Lexa decided she would give this family a chance to prove that they really wanted her here. Her only other option would be the streets, and she couldn't let herself end up back there. She knew better than to really get her hopes up, though. She would stay but she’d never let herself get comfortable with the Griffin family.

"You really want me here?" she asked giving them the opportunity to change their minds and figure out she wasn't someone to take a chance on. It broke their hearts to hear such vulnerability and fear in the girl's voice. It only strengthened their resolve to protect her from the streets and take her under their wing.

"Yes, we really want you here, but there are a few conditions. One, you must start attending school. I can set up a meeting with the principal at Arkadia High and explain your situation to him and get you started there based off what he thinks will be the best plan. Two, you will be treated just like the other children. You have a curfew, dinner is at six every night, four on Sundays, homework gets done before other activities, and Thursday nights are family nights," Jake explained helping to reassure Lexa that they truly wanted her to be here. 

She had never had rules enforced on her before. Things like family nights and curfews were completely foreign. Was this what real parents were supposed to be like? Was this..normal?

"I don't understand why you're helping me," her voice remained small and scared but she was beginning to see that her home was no longer on the streets. She wasn’t even remotely ready to let her guard down but she could recognize that maybe this time was going to be different.

"Because no one deserves to live out on the streets like that. This family does not let people be treated like that," Abby told her in a strong voice leaving no room for doubt. "This weekend we will go out and get you some new clothes and the basic stuff you will need for school. The guest room will be yours from now on, we'll pick out some stuff to make it feel more normal for you."

"I didn't expect you to take me into your home," Lexa admitted honestly confused as to why they would be generous to a complete stranger. When she arrived at the office building this afternoon she expected a new foster home and maybe a warm meal. She never could have predicted that Jake would be taking her into his home and take care of her.

"We couldn't leave you to stay on the streets," Jake answered simply with the same warm smile he’s had the entire day. It was a smile that actually put Lexa at ease. It was a smile she really wanted to believe in.

Just as the conversation was wrapping up with a few final rules for living in that house, all of which were gladly agreed upon by the still stunned girl, and Lexa was finishing up the food Abby had cooked for her, Clarke came down into the kitchen in search of food.

"Clarke, can you give Lexa a few things to wear for the next few days?" Abby asked her daughter who was looking through the refrigerator.

"Of course," she agreed grabbing a can of soda and an apple from the fridge and heading back upstairs motioning for Lexa to come with her.

Lexa panicked slightly when Clarke motioned for her to follow her. Lexa's bowl still needed to be cleaned, she couldn't leave a mess the first night she got here.

Abby sensed her panic and showed Lexa to the dishwasher. She helped her load the bowl in the right spot and gave her a quick explanation as to where things typically went. 

"Go on, Clarke tends to be a little dramatic when she's left waiting." Abby joked and sent her youngest daughter a smile when she huffed indignantly.

"Thank you again for all this," Lexa said to the adults before following the young girl upstairs. She felt at ease following Clarke upstairs, for once there was no feeling of suffocation or uncertainty as her legs lead her behind the other girl. She felt safe in Clarke's presence and couldn't pinpoint why that would be.

Clarke's room did not fit the first impression she had of the girl. She figured it would be a bright color with a lot more girly things then she was currently seeing. Band posters littered the walls along with posters of movies she hadn't even heard of, not like that was saying much though. The walls were painted a deep red color giving the room a relaxed and tranquil atmosphere. Paintings were hung in random places with plenty of art supplies littered throughout the room. 

Lexa noticed a guitar in the corner of the room which surprised her. She had not pegged Clarke as a musician but by just a simple inspection of the room, Lexa figured this girl was going to be breaking a lot of her expectations.

"My closet is full of clothes, just help yourself to anything you may need. I actually just bought a few new pairs of panties so you can have those, they've never been worn. If there is anything else you want in the dresser just help yourself, it looks like my stuff should fit you okay," Clarke explained as she opened the drawers of her bureau for Lexa to look it. She gestured to the closet as well letting Lexa know she had free reign over that too.

"I don't understand why everyone in this house is so nice to me," Lexa remarked off-topic. Clarke didn't seem fazed by the admission and was quick to reassure Lexa that it was a sincere kindness from a family who had dealt with a child in a similar situation before.

"Having Bellamy in our lives helped us see how hard it is for people stuck in the system. He was much younger then you are when he came to live with us but he taught us what it means to be accepting and showed us that our lives here should not be taken for granted. Raven never really knew any other life, she was a baby when mom and dad took her in," she explained hoping to calm the girl's uneasiness.

It all sounded so easy coming from Clarke. It made them seem like the perfect family. It made Lexa want to never wake up from this perfect dream. 

"I haven't met Bellamy yet," Lexa said realizing she had heard much about the other Griffin child, but still had not met him.

"I think he's tutoring at school still. Bellamy's a big nerd, you'll learn that very quickly." Clarke gave a small laugh which Lexa, once again, found herself drawn to. The simple act of the laugh made her whole face light up and the striking blue eyes seemed to brighten with the happiness.

The butterflies reappeared unexpectedly in Lexa's stomach making her question what was really going on with her. She had never experienced this type of feeling towards another person before. It wasn’t something she understood even in the slightest. 

The girls had picked out a few outfits for Lexa to wear for the next few days while they continued talking. The distraction of finding clothes was keeping the brunette from truly dealing with the unrelenting fluttering in her stomach.

"So what will I learn quickly about you?" Lexa asked surprising herself with a flirting tone. She knew she had never done that before and was surprised she had even recognized it as flirting.

"I guess you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself, it’s no fun if I give away all my secrets." Lexa was even more surprised that the flirting tone was returned to her. She knew she was pretty unsure of the whole situation, but she was pretty sure girls didn't usually flirt with each other. It must be something friends did that she was just unaware of. She’d never actually had a friend before so what did she know. "What about you? What should I learn about you?"

Lexa smiled at the remark, having to bite her tongue to keep the response that immediately popped into her head from coming out. She had to stop for a minute and realize that she was smiling, something she barely had any recollection of ever really doing. Not only did she realize she was flirting with the girl, but now she was smiling, what was this girl doing to her?

"I guess that's just something you're going to have to figure out," Lexa answered mimicking the reply she had gotten for her similar question to the blonde.

Clarke's eyes connected with Lexa's sending an intense wave of emotions into the girl. Emotions she wasn't sure she could properly identify. Feeling speechless and trapped in the stare, Lexa let their eyes stay connected. She felt like her soul was open and clear for Clarke to see but her heart was telling her it was okay. It was telling her she could trust this girl with her emotions, something she had never done before.

Clarke's eyes were a striking blue and Lexa felt like she could see every emotion coursing through the blonde’s body with just one simple look. She saw definite curiosity in the girl's stare, along with intrigue. 

Lexa didn't know what to make of the look. She couldn't imagine why this girl would be intrigued or curious about her at all. People usually didn't give her enough time of day to be intrigued or curious and now here was this girl gazing deep into her eyes almost trying to decipher every hidden secret or insecure thought. She felt like Clarke was figuring her out with just one simple look. It was just one simple look, but to Lexa it meant everything.

"I look forward to it," Clarke whispered not breaking the eye contact. Lexa eventually had to look away before the fluttering feeling got to be too overwhelming.

Any thoughts Lexa may have previously had of avoiding feeling at home here were eradicated the minute the intense eyes of the girl in front of her penetrated her gaze. Her guarded heart was starting to feel again and it both terrified and excited her.

Clarke sent Lexa off to the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes and a large fluffy towel with the instructions to take the longest shower she had ever taken. It only took Lexa about two seconds of staring at the complicated faucet in the bathroom before she timidly returned to Clarke’s room to ask for help. 

Clarke laughed lightly before leading her back to the bathroom.

“This turns the water on,” she told her turning one of the knobs completely around. “The further you turn it, the hotter the water gets. This turns the overhead shower head on. You’re better off turning it on before you climb in otherwise you might end up stepping into freezing cold water. Not fun.” 

“Thanks,” Lexa said quietly, a little embarrassed she wasn’t able to figure that out. 

“Of course. I told you, whatever you need, don’t hesitate to ask,” Clarke reassured placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and squeezing slightly before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Lexa watched her go before turning back to the shower.

Stripping out of her clothes this time around was less stressful for Lexa. She didn’t feel as vulnerable or uncomfortable exposing herself and any anxiety that may have crept up completely washed away as she stood under the powerful jet. The hot water was soothing her tired muscles and washing away the feelings of dirt and shame from being in so many shelters. She spent at least ten minutes shampooing her hair, enjoying the feeling of scrubbing her scalp with the amazing smelling shampoo. It was the same tropical scent that she had smelled on Clarke earlier. 

She finished the rest of the shower in the next twenty minutes, letting the water run over her and wash away the grime that she was sure was more in her head than anything else. She soon found herself back in the spare room, her room now, staring at the most comfortable bed she’d ever been in. She noticed a newer looking hair brush was now on the dresser as well as the clothes she and Clarke had picked out earlier. The thoughtfulness that Clarke showed in those simple efforts made Lexa smile once again. She had a feeling she should get use to this smile with Clarke around, the girl certainly new how to bring it out.

She took the time to brush her hair out before pulling it up into a ponytail, using one of the hair ties that had also been placed on the dresser. She saw a small box that was also a new addition to the dresser but figured she’d have tomorrow to search through it. For now, she had a meeting with that bed and she wasn’t going to be late.

That night Lexa's sleep was absent of nightmares, instead replaced with a certain blue eyed blonde girl who, with just one simple look, was penetrating her closed off heart and slowly making her feel real again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

They say the hardest times in life define and create who you will become. Lexa had decided either that statement was entirely false, or she would be a huge disaster for the rest of her life. 

Even when it seemed her life was going to turn around, as it did the minute she stepped into Jake's office three weeks ago, something or someone had to pull the rug out from under her feet and make her feel unstable once again.

She had been wrong weeks ago when she guessed the date. Arkadia had seen an early snowstorm this year and it was actually November when Jake had taken her in. November 14th, to be exact. She made it a point of always knowing the date now, a little thing that seemed insignificant to everyone else, but to her it meant a sense of normalcy she had never been afforded before. 

Her home life was going progressing along, it was a huge adjustment to finally have a home and she still was unsure about the whole idea. She had no issues following any of their rules, she was the perfect daughter. She never spoke back, she never was out past her curfew, and she always did her chores on time, even volunteering to do extra chores from time to time. She got along great with Abby and Jake and their three children. 

Everything was, for all intents and purposes, going really well. 

Abby had supplied her with a wardrobe at least tripling the amount of clothes she had ever owned combined. She helped her design the room to her liking but mostly Abby did all the designing because Lexa had no clue.

White and blue curtains now hung in the windows that Lexa had mentioned she liked when they were shopping one day. The room had been painted a deep blue color, something that Abby had suggested noticing the girl took a liking to the deep colors in Clarke’s room. 

“Blue.” Lexa had pointed out when she saw all the paint samples laid out on the kitchen table. She was immediately drawn to the deep blue that maybe slightly resembled the youngest Griffin’s eyes. 

Lexa didn’t realize the connection.

The plain rug had been torn out and replaced with a hardwood floor to match the rest of the bedrooms.

Jake had bought her a brand new laptop, television, and iPhone. Three things that were very foreign to her. Lexa wasn’t sure why she needed them, she didn’t even know how to use any of them. Jake simply explained that they were things all three of their kids had before, now their forth would too.

She barely used the laptop, not seeing the need and not really knowing how to work it. Bellamy had showed her how to do some of her homework on it so that was typically the extent of the use she got from it. 

Raven had tried to teach how to use a few different websites including Facebook and twitter but the appeal was lost on Lexa. 

“Lex, you can connect with people on Facebook. And you should see the hilarious stuff people tweet. See, look at this one.” Lexa didn’t find it funny. She felt like she was really missing something.

She never made any calls on the cell phone, only answered it when one of the Griffins were trying to get in touch with her. She still couldn’t figure out all the extra stuff it did, opting to just use it when it rang. 

Clarke had tried to teach her how to use the internet or how to text, but she never saw the need. 

Her new television was large and fancy. She remembered Raven saying something about flat screen and high definition, but she really didn't know what she was talking about. She seemed pretty impressed by it though so Lexa knew it was a really nice television and probably really expensive. 

She didn’t dare ask questions about cost. She didn’t flip channels very often. Clarke would come in every once and a while and put on some show that she told her was interesting, but besides that it was usually left off.

She couldn't believe the Griffins had done so much for her and opened their arms so widely. She was beginning to realize what she felt was similar to what it would feel like to have a family.

She had never been someone's daughter. Well at some point in her life she had, someone had to give birth to her, but she had never known them. Didn't remember their face. Didn't remember their voice. Didn't know their first name. Didn’t even know their real last name. 

All Lexa knew was that she had been dropped on the doorstep of a hospital when she was still an infant with a card that told them her name and told them no one would return to pick her up. 

The card explained that her last name was Woods but it specified that was neither of their actual last names.

She remembered reading that card a thousand times when she was younger and still believed that maybe she could use it to find her parents. Before she realized that they just didn't want to be found.

Lexa threw the card away a few years back when her heart and mind had given up on her "family." Jake had mentioned to her before that he could do some digging for her if that was what she truly wanted but she quickly declined the offer. Why would she want to find the people that had sealed her fate to live the life she had lived.

Raven and Bellamy had treated Lexa like their little sister, making sure no one messed with her at school or around the town. Bellamy had made sure she knew where all her classes were, and included her in all the activities he took part in.

Raven had showed her around town a few times. She had brought her to where they liked to hang out with her friends. 

Lexa really appreciated the fact that they were going out of their way for her but she just didn’t feel comfortable in their worlds.

Lexa found pretty quickly that she didn’t enjoy the same things Bellamy or even Raven did. 

Raven spent a lot of time outside fixing up cars or building things Lexa would never understand. She was pretty turned off from the whole idea when a wayward drone Raven was playing with almost took her head off. 

Bellamy was on the debate team at school and enjoyed watching historical documentaries, two things that Lexa tried but couldn’t find any interest in.

Clarke had treated Lexa like her best friend, immediately introducing Lexa to all her friends at school and never forcing her into conversations but rather realizing when the girl was uncomfortable and being her voice for her. 

She was unbelievably protective of Lexa, knowing that she would not stick up for herself and could get into a situation that she wasn't sure how to get out of. Clarke had been beside Lexa the whole way and she greatly appreciated it.

Clarke had convinced Lexa to join the chorus with her, explaining that the kids in this chorus were welcoming and wouldn’t expect anything from Lexa. Lexa had gone to the meetings with Clarke, opting to sit quietly in her seat and observe. She wasn’t sure if it would stick but she was willing to try even if just for Clarke.

Clarke would always be right by her side, no matter the activity they found themselves in. Lexa found herself enjoying watching Clarke’s soccer practice. The girl was a firecracker on the field, Lexa could see how much she loved playing. And man, was Clarke good. 

Everything was going great for Lexa, except for the actual schoolwork. She hadn't been in school since she was ten, and now she was thrown into high school and expected to have the abilities and prior knowledge to do well in her five classes. 

Most of the families she was with didn't care enough about her to send her to school. She would try to pick up books she’d found but after a while the time away from school affected her ability to keep up with the vocabulary.

Teachers were informed and sympathetic to her situation. They knew to never call on her in class and offered extra help to her after classes. It was a good help, but no amount of extra tutoring would make subjects like algebra or physics come any easier.

She knew she was just barely passing her classes, if she was even passing them. Mid semester grades were going home today and Lexa was nervous. She knew that all the Griffin children got good grades and figured Abby and Jake would be disappointed when they saw her low grades.

She didn't want to be kicked back onto the streets because she was not up to the caliber of the rest of the Griffin children.

Physics was her first class of the day and it put her in an awful mood right away. Clarke had dropped her off at her class a few minutes before the bell sending a wink and a smile her way before making her way to her own class just a few doors down the hall.

She took her normal seat near the back and took out her notes and book and waited for the teacher to come into the room. A few people seated around her talked amongst themselves but Lexa kept to herself for the most part. It was significantly harder to be outgoing when Clarke wasn’t around.

The room was filled before she knew it but the teacher had yet to make an appearance, instead a forty something balding overweight man made his way to the desk spilling a mess of papers and books onto it before instructing the class to quiet down in a gruff voice.

"Mr. Conner will be out today. I'm Mr. Titus please take out your books and open to page 324," he explained clearing a small space on the desk for his book and opening it.

"Do I have any volunteers to read?" He scanned the room before looking down at the attendance he had on his desk. 

Lexa hoped and prayed he did not call on her. She had never read aloud before and her reading was still well below her grade level. 

Her English teacher had been working with her a lot to help boost her reading abilities and it had been working but she had no confidence in her ability and no experience reading aloud or talking in front of a group. 

"Lexa, why don't you start reading from the top of the page," he instructed obviously not knowing about Lexa. She felt her heart leap into her throat and her stomach was doing somersaults. She could hear a few murmurs from the rest of the students, most knew about Lexa and knew that the teachers would never call on her. 

She could barely make out the words on the page in front of her. She was so flustered and nervous her vision was blurry and scattered. She cleared her throat the best she could but nothing would rid her of the lump that formed in her nervousness. 

She adjusted her new glasses on her nose. Abby had noticed Lexa holding her books and papers closer to her face than normal and suggested they go get her eyes checked. The appointment had been terrifying, Lexa wasn’t comfortable being poked and prodded but the result had been amazing.

Clarke had been overjoyed to help Lexa pick out her new glasses. Lexa was so caught up in Clarke’s excitement she didn’t even see the glasses before she bought them. Either way though, she loved them.

"N-New-ton's, l-l-laws of mo-m-motion are three-ee.” All around her Lexa could hear snickering at her inability to read. She knew the words in her head, but her mouth refused to say them out loud. She paused to try to collect herself and rid the feeling of deep humiliation. 

The teacher looked at her showing no sign of sympathy.

"Please continue, Lexa," he told her sternly before shushing the students.

She was powerless in this situation, clearly he had no idea why she was reading like this, probably thought she was pulling a prank. She wished she had Clarke in this class with her so someone would have stuck up for her and kept her from this horrible humiliation. 

The teacher sent her a stern look telling her to continue reading sometime soon.

"Ar-re three phy-ph-physic-al laws wh-which," the laughing only got worse but the teacher seemed to be oblivious to the teasing and humiliation.

"Is this some kind of joke, Lexa?" he asked condescendingly. "I do not appreciate students trying to play one over on the substitutes. You’ve got your laughs now cut it out or you’ll be spending the next week in detention."

Lexa hung her head in shame, not believing this teacher was adding to the embarrassment. She shook her head no but the teacher seemed to ignore it. 

The suffocating drowning feeling returned to her body for the first time in three weeks. All she could hear was the laughing and snickering around her and couldn't believe he thought she was playing a prank.

"Now continue reading and cut the joking out." His command was firm and final and Lexa knew there was no escaping this situation.

She prayed for the bell to ring to save her but she knew it was hopeless. The class had just started and she was not getting out of this.

"I'm waiting," he said impatiently. She could hear snickers from the other students still, she wished she had someone in the class to help her out, but alas, no one was going to stand up for her.

She looked slightly to her right to see one of Clarke’s friend she had kind of befriended in the last three weeks, Harper. The girl sent her a sympathetic look, but did not speak up for her. She was shy in her own right, and was helpless to stand up to the intimidating teacher.

She focused on the words in front of her, trying to swallow the lump in her throat and make her brain say the words right. They were still unbelievably blurry, she blinked a few times and adjusted her glasses again before once again trying to focus on them.

"Wh-Which are dir-directly re-re-related t-t-to the f-for-forces-s act-acting," she paused again when she heard the teacher get up from his desk and make his way over to her. His shadow soon blocked the light on her book and she knew he was right next to her desk.

"Get out of this class now," he directed waiting for her to start packing up.

"I wasn’t trying to.. I didn’t mean... Please, I’m sorry. I’m trying," she tried to defend weakly herself but to no avail.

"Do you really think mocking the substitute is trying? I will not put up with this nonsense.” His voice rose angrily as he spoke making her quiver slightly. She could barely recall the last time someone had raised their voice to her, and that time she ended up severely bruised and sore. The teacher raising his voice to her made the painful memory come rushing back. 

"Now pack up your stuff and go to the principal's office, now!" he yelled sternly, roughly handing her backpack to her from the floor.

She shrunk back at the motion fearing she would be struck again. All she could see in her mind was a fist connecting with her body over and over again, mercilessly beating her within an inch of her life. 

When no physical harm came to her body she realized she was sitting in front of the rest of the class that was looking at her like she was insane. She pulled herself out of the nightmare and shoved her books inside the bag she had taken from his hand before making her way out the door while the rest of the class broke out into loud hysterics.

Tears that she had been holding in since the teacher called on her sprang from her eyes as she made her way to the office knowing the principal would understand her situation. 

She was angry with herself for thinking about her past, she had buried those details deep inside herself and couldn't believe she had let herself get so caught up once again.

The secretary, an older lady that insisted everyone call her Marie, escorted her right into the principal's office after seeing the tears on her face. They had all been informed about Lexa's unique situation and were told to be extra cautious with her. She handed her a tissue and stayed close to her side knowing the girl needed comfort.

"Lexa please have a seat," Principal Kane instructed seeing the upset girl. He nodded to Marie telling her it was okay for her to leave. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked gently, not forcing anything from the young girl, knowing it would get them nowhere.

She just shook her head no not wanting to relive the embarrassing situation. She didn't feel comfortable talking to many adults and although the principal had always been nice to her, she still was unsure with him.

Understanding that the girl wasn't going to open up to him, he told Lexa to compose herself in his office as long as she would need and then she could make her way to study hall until next period.

"Unless you feel like you want to go home, I'll completely understand if that's what you want," he told her trying to keep any pressure off the girl. He knew that school with her was going to be touch and go so her going home for a day would be expected and okay.

"Can you get Clarke?" she asked in a small voice ashamed. It was almost as though Clarke had become her security blanket and in this moment what she definitely needed was security and comfort.

"Absolutely," he answered simply and made his way out of the office to find the other girl. He felt horrible for Lexa and knew the substitute in her morning class probably had something to do with it.

He cursed himself for not prepping the substitute he hired for the physics class. It has simply slipped his mind and Lexa was clearly paying for that.

After the short walk to room 307 he stuck his head in the door and asked the teacher to excuse Clarke from the class. She quickly gathered up her things and made her way over to him.

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" she asked after the door had been closed. She was pretty sure she hadn't done anything wrong, but the principal had never pulled her out of class before.

"No, of course not. Lexa's in the office, she seems really upset. She won't tell me anything but she asked for you." That was all Clarke needed to hear before she took off down the hall for the office. She had become very protective over Lexa and immediately wanted to kill whoever had made her upset.

The principal made his way to Lexa's physics class to find out what really happened. He pulled Mr. Titus from the class and told the students to read to themselves.

"This must be about Lexa," the teacher said feeling good about himself. He had stood up to one of the punks in the class, or so he thought.

"It certainly is," the principal confirmed with no hint of praise in his voice. "Why don't you explain to me what happened."

"She tried making a big mockery out of me. Pretending like she couldn't read to make all the students laugh. These kids always think they can pull one over on the substitute, I wasn't going to stand for it," the teacher boasted still thinking he did the right thing.

"Did you know that this is Lexa's first year in school since she was ten? And that she is working after school every day with an English teacher to get her reading level up to the ninth grade level? Or that she has spent 17 years of her life between foster care or out on the streets barely surviving?" the principal explained angry at the man's superior attitude.

"I.. I didn't know," he muttered feeling suddenly ashamed. His confidence immediately deflated and he finally keyed into the anger on the principal’s face.

"You just humiliated that girl. We've been working so hard to break her out of her shell and encourage her to be more outspoken. You may have just ruined it all," he told him very angry with his idea about teaching.

"I thought she was just pulling a prank on me," he tried to defend but to no avail. His fate had already been decided. “No one told me about any special circumstances with any of the students!” 

"Go pack your things up and send the class to study hall, we won't be needing your services anymore." With that Mr. Kane walked away heading back to his office.

Clarke found Lexa in the principal's office still. She no longer had tears in her eyes but it was clear she was still very upset.

"Hey there," Clarke greeted bending down to be at eye level with Lexa.

She got a weak trace of a smile in return accompanied by no words. Lexa was barely holding herself together at this point.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" she asked gently placing her hand on the girl's arm to help to sooth her and encourage her to open up.

Lexa simply shook her head letting her know she didn't want to talk. Her eyes remained forward, studying the poster on the wall behind Marie’s desk. She wanted to laugh at herself in that moment, knowing she could read the few words on that poster to Clarke right now if she was asked to. 

"I can't help if you don't tell me what happened," Clarke said reassuringly. 

"I had a substitute in physics," she told her simply, hoping no further explanation was needed. Clarke nodded her head understanding what must have occurred, or at least the general gist of it.

"Why don't we go and get some real breakfast," Clarke asked knowing the rest of the day would be a waste for the shaken girl. It wasn’t the first time an incident at school had ruined her day and she knew it was better to take her home and comfort her then it was to make her stay at school where she would be useless.

Clarke knew all of Lexa's teachers had been informed about her situation and knew not to single her out or push her in front of the other students. Her substitute must not have been informed about the unique situation. 

She felt like going down to the classroom and giving the teacher a piece of her mind but by judging by the absence of the principal, he had already done that.

Lexa had no problem agreeing to the chance to be away from school and the students that had been witnesses to her humiliation. She knew it would be difficult to sit through the rest of her classes that contained a good majority of the students that witnessed what just occurred. 

Even though Clarke was in almost all of her remaining classes she wasn’t ready to face the kids that had laughed at her just yet.

"Let me just get us signed out," Clarke told her leaving the office and making arrangements with the secretary for their dismissal. The older lady smiled sympathetically at the blue eyed girl in front of her and started filling out the paper to dismiss both girls.

"I'll need to speak to one of your parents. Is your mom working today?" she asked knowing the family very well. Both Abby and Jake were involved in the school during vast activities and have donated both time and money to help the school.

"I think she's home until 3," Clarke answered trying to remember what her mom's schedule was. Mondays usually meant her mom would be home when they got home from school and then head to work. But she was an ER surgeon and emergencies meant a varying schedule with nothing set in stone.

"Ok, why don't you get yours and Lexa's stuff out of the lockers. I'll give your mom a call," she instructed while she picked up the phone to call Abby.

After retrieving her books and Lexa's stuff from the lockers Clarke walked back to the office waiting for the okay to leave. She noticed Lexa outside the office sitting on the benches waiting for her.

"Your mom said okay," she was told by Lexa. 

Clarke wanted to correct the girl, she wanted to say that she wasn't just her mom, but she kept quiet knowing it was a sensitive subject. Lexa was still getting comfortable with the authority figures Abby and Jake had become and Clarke knew not to rush that or place any unnecessary labels on it.

"Alright let’s get going, I have a strong urge for some sappy movies and lots of ice cream, sound good to you?" Clarke asked watching an actual smile appear on the brunette's face. 

Movies and ice cream always made Clarke feel better and lately she had introduced the ritual to Lexa. It quickly became one of Lexa's favorite past times as well, as long as she was sharing it with Clarke, that is.

"Sounds great," Lexa said thanking the girl with the smile she gave to her. She felt more safe and relaxed now that she was with Clarke. This girl had truly become her security blanket.

On the way home Clarke put on the country station both girls had agreed was their favorite. She turned the volume to low and eyed the quiet girl staring out the passenger window.

"When is your next session with Dr. Cutter?" she asked pulling the girl's attention from their surroundings. Dr. Cutter was a therapist that had been working with Lexa to get her adjusted to her new life and was helping her fight some of her past demons, at least the ones Lexa was comfortable opening up about.

"Tomorrow," she answered simply going back to watching the houses and buildings fly past them. She wasn’t trying to brush Clarke off, she just didn’t feel comfortable talking right now. She still felt the humiliation deep within her and that kept her locked inside herself.

"I’m going to stop at the coffee shop by the house, do you want to get something to eat?" she asked trying to get Lexa into some sort of conversation.

"Sure," she answered simply still caught up in the situation. Thinking about it made her feel more embarrassed and ashamed that she was not capable of things she should be capable of at her age.

Clarke reached over and grabbed Lexa's hand trying to pull her out of her thoughts. She definitely wasn't expecting the jolt she felt at the connection of their hands. Judging by the look on her face, Lexa also felt the jolt.

Her hand stayed inside the grip of the Clarke’s no longer feeling embarrassed or ashamed. She knew Clarke did not feel like she was dumb and would never make fun of her or laugh at her.

She felt comfortable once again with Clarke's hand attached to her own, moving slow patterns over the back of her hand creating a burning feeling on her skin that neither girl understood.

Lexa slowly felt like she was healing as they watched movies and ate way too much ice cream that night. The embarrassment of the day faded away as Clarke hugged her close on the couch. Nothing could ever really make her forget the ordeal but when she was with Clarke it just didn’t seem to matter all that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think. I'm over on tumblr as Bradypop. I might post a few sneak peeks between updates if anyone is interested.


	5. Chapter 5

It had become increasingly obvious to Lexa as she spent more and more time in the Griffin house how much emphasis was placed on the importance of school. Report cards from previous terms were hung on the fridge showing A’s and B’s from all three Griffin children. 

Raven’s acceptance letters from multiple colleges hung right next to them. Special achievements were also hung up, making the fridge very overcrowded. Lexa had yet to get anything on the fridge, but they had all reassured her that she had space.

Bellamy had told her all about how badly he previously did in class, never really caring and never doing any of the work. He explained that he had rebelled when he was placed in a foster home and didn’t want to do the work even though he was definitely capable.

“The Griffins expected more out of me, I couldn’t keep disappointing them. They knew I was smarter than I was showing,” he had told her simply confirming her deepest fears. The Griffins did expect perfection when it came to school and that was something Lexa just wasn’t capable of delivering. 

Clarke had so almost half the top of the fridge taken up by report cards and letters of achievement. Lexa could never compare to them.

She had walked through the school all day in a daze knowing by the end of the day she’d have her mid-semester report card and most likely an invitation to leave the Griffin house.

Her teachers were sympathetic to her situation, but her grades weren’t going to be. They had to give her the same tests and assignments as everyone else and she just wasn’t capable of handling it all. 

She really did try her hardest, but she had so much to catch up on. She was still at least six years behind everyone else her age.

Lexa thought in another world maybe she could have excelled at school. She really didn't mind the work but she just got so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information she had to learn in such a short amount of time.

Clarke had tried to talk to her throughout the day, attempting to get her to open up about what was bothering her, but Lexa remained mostly silent. 

It wasn’t usual for her to completely shut out Clarke but she knew it would be something she should get use to after the family sees her grades.

She sat in the back corner during chorus, watching everyone else dance around to whatever song was being sung. Normally she would be out there with Clarke but today she couldn’t even muster a fake smile.

Clarke took the seat next to her mid-way through the song, not asking any questions but simply taking her hand into her lap and holding onto it. 

“Go dance,” Lexa instructed quietly, knowing Clarke was close enough to hear what she had said.

“I’m good here,” she answered not moving slightly. 

Lexa wanted to pull her hand away. She didn’t want to feel the comfort and warmth Clarke brought when she knew it would be taken from her soon. 

She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though. She didn’t have the will power to take away what may be the last bit of comfort she’d get from Clarke.

Chorus ended too quickly in Lexa’s opinion which meant the only thing between her and the end of her day was the progress reports. The familiar suffocating feeling returned as she walked to her homeroom where the teacher would hand out the reports.

It had been a while since she had been overwhelmed with this particular feeling, each step felt heavier and heavier and she wasn’t sure how to stop the rapid beating coming from her heart.

She could hear students around her chatting about mindless things but she wasn’t able to focus on any of it. She fought to get air into her lungs, trying to calm the oncoming panic attack that was fighting its way through her body.

No one seemed to notice her internal struggle. A few of Clarke's friends sat near her but they weren't paying any attention to her. She felt so tremendously alone and she never hated the feeling more.

Her therapist had explained what the suffocating feeling she was getting really was. She explained that Lexa suffered from pretty severe anxiety and had given her a few techniques to use when that overwhelming feeling returned. 

None of the techniques were working right now, all she felt was the crushing pressure on her chest.

There was some discussion about putting Lexa on anti-anxieties but after researching them with the help of Clarke she had declined. 

"I already feel like I'm a zombie half the time, those meds would just make it worse."

Clarke had smiled and hugged Lexa close, letting her know she supported her no matter what."

"I am so incredibly proud of you, Lex. Please don't ever doubt that."

Dr. Cutter accepted their reasoning and promised she’d help her work through everything she had going on, no matter how long it took. 

The teacher walked in and shushed everyone, trying to get control over the students who were anxious to get the papers that were in her hands and get home. She couldn’t see the same panic she felt on anyone else’s face. 

She was completely alone in her terror, just as she had been her entire life. 

Her report was one of the last ones handed out. The teacher placed it face down on her desk, not giving her any sort of indication whether or not it was positive or negative. 

She moved on to the next desk quickly, before finishing and walking back to the front of the room to dismiss the class.

She sat in the desk staring at the paper long after everyone else had left the room. The teacher left the room soon after the rest of the class leaving her completely alone. 

Subconsciously she knew Clarke and Bellamy would be waiting for her outside the school to give her a ride home, but she couldn’t find the ability to move anywhere. She wasn’t really sure how long she sat there staring at the paper, willing it to disappear.

The paper taunted her, still sitting upside down so her fate was hidden from her. She had reached her hand up many times to flip the page over only to lose her nerve and drop her hand back down to her side. 

What was she supposed to do when she saw the bad news she knew was waiting for her? Would she survive back on the streets? Did she lose all the instincts she had built up in the two years she had spent on them?

She tried to remember which shelter was more welcoming than the others. She wasn’t wearing old ratty clothes anymore, they might not believe that she really needed to be there.

Lexa tried to remember if she had saved her old clothes she’s been wearing that first night in the Griffin house. Knowing Abby, they were long since thrown out. Maybe she could tear hers up and make them look like they were old and ratty.

Lexa’s thoughts were cut off as someone sat in the chair next to her. She jumped slightly, not expecting someone to find her. Her fear didn’t last long when she turned and met the comforting blue eyes she had grown to rely on.

“Thought you forgot about us,” Clarke said quietly eying the paper on the desk. 

Clarke had a similar one in her hand, though Lexa doubted hers was full of bad news. 

Clarke was a straight A student, one of the best in their entire grade. She was already getting ready to fill out college applications to places all around the country. 

Lexa had studied the report cards on the fridge many times, amazed at how smart all of them were. She couldn’t remember seeing anything lower than a B and there were plenty of report cards to look over.

Lexa just shook her head, not trusting her voice to convey anything right now. She was sure it would crack and cause the tears she was trying so desperately to hold back to come out.

“Lex, will you look at me?” she pushed quietly, reaching out to take her hand once again. Lexa closed her eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment she knew she’d see in Clarke’s normally calm and comforting eyes. 

She felt the tears start to well up and didn’t want Clarke to see her crying once again.

“Hey, Lex, it’s okay. Whatever is on this paper doesn’t matter. I promise it’s going to be okay,” Clarke tried to reassure but her efforts fell on deaf ears. Nothing was going to be okay, nothing. It was a mantra she had repeated over and over in her head all day. 

Clarke took the paper off of the desk, her eyes not falling on it but rather stayed on Lexa who sat stock still with her eyes still closed holding in the sobs.

“Lexa, you’ve been working your ass off to help your grades. Mom and Dad see that. They know you’re doing everything in your power to get good grades. They’re not going to be mad. You put in more effort than Bell and I combined, we all see that,” she said more sternly using her free hand to take Lexa’s chin in her hand and move her head so she was looking at Clarke. 

“They’re not going to be mad. You’re stuck with us now, please understand that,” she reaffirmed trying to get Lexa to see they weren’t going to abandon her. She reached up and gently wiped away the few tears that had escaped against Lexa’s will. 

“I can’t go back there,” Lexa said quietly. Clarke knew she was referring to the streets and not the Griffin family home. Instead of answering, she pulled Lexa out of the chair she was sitting in and into her arms. 

She wrapped them tight around her not giving her any opportunity to escape.

Lexa was stuck unable to return the hug, her arms hung by her sides. She wasn’t really comfortable with affection just yet. 

Clarke was usually the only one even attempting and the handholds she usually gave her soon became second nature, but this was different. 

Clarke’s hugs were close and intimate and made it really difficult for Lexa to breathe. She wasn’t use to people hugging her in the first place then add on the extra intimacy Clarke was able to convey with her hugs and Lexa was in over her head. 

“You’re never going back there, Lexa. Never,” she repeated the simple word never over and over again, wanting Lexa to truly understand they were different from everyone else that had disappointed her. 

They weren’t going to give up on her, no matter what happened. Bad grades weren’t going to change the fact that they had opened their home to Lexa.

“Come on, let’s get home. Mom has the day off so we can help her with dinner,” Clarke tried to coax the girl out of her shell by giving her something familiar to think about. The girls helped with dinner most nights that Abby was home from the hospital.

When Jake was home he made a big show of cooking everything by himself even if he did end up setting off the smoke alarm at least once a week. 

Lexa loved helping out in the kitchen, she found quickly that she had a knack for cooking. She was pretty good at baking, too, but it just didn’t hold her interest the way cooking did.

Lexa finally nodded in agreement, noticing Clarke still had yet to remove her arms from around her. Lexa had no interest in moving from the spot where she was wrapped up so they stayed there for another few minutes, soaking in each other’s warmth and presence.

Clarke eventually pulled away, keeping her hand locked in Lexa’s. She led Lexa out of the classroom and outside to the car. 

Bellamy was leaning against the outside talking to two girls she kind of recognized from a few of her classes. She was really bad with names so she couldn’t remember either of theirs but from the looks of it, Bellamy might not either.

“Time to go home, Casanova,” Clarke said pulling him from the conversation and around to the driver’s side door. Lexa slipped into her normal seat in the back behind the passenger seat. Clarke normally sat in front of her but today she slid in next to her in the back, not breaking their handhold once.

“Didn’t realize I was a chauffeur today,” Bellamy said teasing the girls. A swift kick to the back of his chair knocked the cocky smile off of his face and his focus returned solely to the road in front of them after that.

When they arrived home Bellamy placed his progress report on the table and disappeared upstairs after greeting Abby who was moving around the kitchen preparing something that smelled really good.

Abby noticed Lexa’s solemn mood and sent Clarke a questioning look. Clarke answered by holding up the progress reports. Abby opened her hands to Clarke and she handed both hers and Lexa’s over. 

Lexa saw the papers being passed and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to sink into the ground. She started hoping for one of the cracks in the ground to open up and just take her away from this uncomfortable situation.

Abby picked Bellamy’s report up from the table and looked his over first, keeping her face void of any emotion. She placed it down after a few minutes and took Clarke’s and gave it the same treatment, still keeping a blank face. She once again placed that down and picked up Lexa’s. 

Lexa could feel herself start to panic. Her heart was pounding and she was starting to forget how to get the air she desperately needed into her lungs. 

Her anxiety was started to make itself known again so she tried to calm herself down by using the breathing techniques she learned. She waited for Abby’s face to take on a look of shame and disappointment before she told her to get out of her house.

Lexa closed her eyes when Abby placed her report down with the others, trying to brace herself for what she knew was coming. What she wasn’t prepared for was two arms that definitely didn’t belong to Clarke wrapping around her small frame. She opened her eyes as Abby pulled her closer.

“You’ve come so far in such a short time. All of your teachers see how much growth you’ve made. We’ll get you there, I promise. And I promise you that you will never ever be kicked out of this house, no matter what. This is your home now, for good,” Abby tried to reassure the girl who was slightly shaking in tears by the end of the speech. 

Abby motioned Clarke over who ran her hand up and down Lexa’s back to help to calm her. 

Lexa’s arms remained locked around herself, trying to keep from falling into complete hysterics. She still couldn’t understand why they were helping her, why they were willing to open their home to her and accept how horrible she was doing in school when the three actual Griffin children had amazing grades. 

Lexa managed to reign in her emotions and pulled herself away from the two blondes holding her. She sent them both the biggest smiles she could muster up knowing neither of them believed it at all. 

She excused herself quietly, grabbing the paper Abby had placed down on the table and made her way to her room. She closed her door behind her, kicking her sneakers off before lying back on her bed. 

Abby and Jake had offered to buy her a new bed when she moved into the room but she refused stating that this was the most comfortable bed she’d ever slept in and didn’t want anything else. 

They had bought a new bedspread for her that matched the walls and was filled with feathers making it so warm and inviting. Lexa had a hard time pulling herself out of the bed most mornings. 

She fell back into the down comforter that was spread over the mattress and let her body sink into it, hoping to relax away the tension she was feeling. The paper still remained by her side, making it impossible to really get rid of any of the tension. 

She reached down and grabbed it, adjusting her glasses on her eyes so she could read the words now held up in front of her. ‘Does not meet expectations,’ ‘unsatisfactory,’ and ‘needs improvement’ littered the page. 

Most of the comments were slightly more positive, letting her know they had hope for her. 

Her math teacher, however, gave it to her like it is. She was failing and he wasn’t sure she’d be able to do anything to fix her grade. 

Some of the topics she was able to slightly catch on to after all the tutoring she had been given. History and English required a lot of reading which Lexa found she really enjoyed as long as she was just reading to herself. 

Her reading ability quickly rose to the appropriate age level after over a month of intensive one on one work with her very dedicated English teacher who knew exactly how to make the work much easier for her. 

History wasn’t exactly her favorite subject but being in a house with Bellamy helped her catch on to the topics. He enjoyed quizzing her on her work and it gave them the opportunity to bond. 

Clarke excelled at sciences and devoted a good amount of her time to help Lexa with them. Most of the time they ended up veering off course but Lexa didn’t really mind. She enjoyed any time she got to spend with Clarke.

Math was her downfall. She couldn’t make up years of lost knowledge in less than two months. She tried her hardest with all of the assignments and relied heavily on Clarke but no amount of tutoring could help her pass any of the tests. 

She had been placed in lower level algebra but without the basic understanding of the simple things she couldn’t get by.

She heard the knock on her door and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes that she didn’t even realize had fallen. She quietly told whoever it was to come in, knowing it was quiet enough in her room for them to hear her.

“Mind if I join you?” Clarke asked as she looked in the door. Lexa nodded her head and scooted over knowing Clarke was going to climb right in on her right just like she always has previously. 

She felt the bed dip to her right just as predicted and looked over to see the girl lying next to her, both flat on their backs.

“I’m hopeless,” Lexa said quietly, holding the paper up for Clarke to see. She looked it over quickly, before taking it from Lexa and placing it on the nightstand out of sight. 

“You are not hopeless. Look how much growth you’ve made in a little over a month. I will do whatever I need to do to help you out. I promise,” Clarke said reiterating her mother’s earlier promises. 

Lexa looked over at Clarke after she spoke and really observed the girl next to her in bed. She was dressed down in a pair of black cotton shorts and a long sleeve white shirt. She had washed off the makeup she had worn to school and had her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail with lots of too short pieces sticking out. 

Lexa had always known Clarke was a beautiful girl but in that moment as they lay side by side, Lexa realized just how breathtaking Clarke truly was. 

She felt it in that moment, that distinct lack of air just from looking at the girl next to her. It wasn’t the similar suffocating feeling she usually got when she was overwhelmed, this was different. This was pleasant, even.

Lexa had no idea what it meant, all she knew was that she couldn’t take her eyes off of her, but Clarke seemed to be having the very same issue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated. I'm Bradypop over on tumblr.


	6. Chapter 6

A person’s birthday is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year for them. It’s supposed to be a celebration of their life and how lucky the world is to have them for one more year. 

For Lexa, her birthday had always meant one more year in foster homes, one more year being neglected and not cared for. 

It also meant one more year closer to finally aging out of the system and escaping the hell she’d been placed in over and over.

To be completely honest, Lexa didn’t actually know when her real birthday was. She’d been told at a few homes that it was in December, others told her January, and some even mentioned June. 

Others didn’t say anything about it, choosing to ignore that she even existed. 

By the time she was fifteen and out on the streets, Lexa told herself each new year meant a new age for her. When the people were out celebrating the New Year with loved ones, Lexa would mark off another year in her head. 

When she told Jake she was seventeen that was her best estimate.

For all she knew, she might be sixteen or eighteen or possibly even older. There were a lot of her years she didn’t have any way to account for.

A month after the Griffins had taken her in, the topic got brought up at the dinner table. 

Conversation flowed naturally between the family and they always tried to include Lexa, but normally she was content to listen to what was being said and respond with simple head shakes when someone asked her a question. 

Clarke was typically the only one who was able to get any sort of real verbal response from her and that was still too quiet for most of the other people around the table to hear.

Raven tried her hardest to get Lexa to open up with her but the two girls never really got the chance to bond. With the time Raven spent away from the house at school, it was hard for Lexa to grow comfortable around her. Both girls tried to connect but the bond between them never really got the chance to grow.

No one pushed her too hard, though. They knew she was still growing comfortable in their home and still use to living in foster homes that treated her like she was less than human. 

The Griffins had seen the progress she had made over the last month, they knew she was slowly opening up. They were more than happy to let Lexa do that on her own terms.

Lexa found it easier to be more vocal one on one with her new family, a term she was still very hesitant to use, even if just in her head. 

They had never brought up the idea of adoption and Lexa was content with that. She would age out of the system long before the process could go through.

“You know, Lexa,” Jake started getting the girl’s attention. “We were talking about birthdays the other day and I realized we didn’t know when yours was.” 

Lexa felt her heart sink slightly, trying to find out how to get out of this situation. 

Should she lie to them and give a false date like she had heard all her life? Or should she let them know the truth that she really had no idea when she was born? She didn’t know when, where, anything like that. 

Clarke must have seen her discomfort at the question because she connected their hands under the table. The familiar warmth she could always equate to Clarke spread throughout her entire body. 

She could see Clarke sending her a smile and giving her the answer she needed. There was no reason to lie to the Griffins, they weren’t going to be mad at her for not knowing when her birthday was.

“I, um,” she hesitated slightly, trying to find her voice. It usually took her some time to get her voice back after being quiet for so long. “I don’t know when it is,” she finished avoiding eye contact with everyone else. 

She felt Clarke squeeze her hand under the table never breaking the physical contact. The hand in hers might just be the only thing keeping her from running from the table and that was just barely doing the job at this point.

“Well that just won’t do. I’ll look into it. I’ve got some connections in the right places, I’ll get that date in no time,” Jake reassured and returned to his dinner without another word.

Lexa wasn’t sure why she was still surprised by the calm and collected tone she always received from the man but it still came as a shock when loud angry bursts didn’t come out of him every time she said something she thought might be disappointing. 

Lexa could never really forget the anger and frustration she had always received from the father figure in her life. 

She’d been placed in one too many homes where the man that was supposed to be her dad liked to beat up on her when she did anything they thought was even remotely stepping out of line. 

Thankfully, their violence never turned sexual. It was the one thing Lexa had always prayed would never happen and thankfully, it never did.

She barely remembered the worst beating she’d ever received. 

She was maybe twelve at the time and in a home with five or six other foster kids. She was the oldest and therefore left in charge when her foster parents were gone. 

She remembered falling asleep on the couch accidently, leaving the other younger kids to do whatever they wanted. When her foster dad came home and found a few things out of place because Lexa wasn’t paying attention he went crazy on her.

The specifics of the beating she had erased from her memory but nothing could possibly erase the horrible pain she was in after he got tired of hitting her. 

She remembered not being able to open one of her eyes or move one of her arms. She could still feel the pain that felt like it was crushing her chest after he walked away. 

She didn’t remember how she got from the house to the hospital, it was all pretty blurry and painful.

She was removed from that house when a neighbor heard her unrelenting screams and called the police. From what she was later told, all of the foster kids were taken from his care and he was placed under arrest. 

She never heard anything more from it after that.

She was brought the hospital and found to have suffered three broken ribs, a broken orbital bone around her eye, and a severely separated shoulder. 

Both her eye and her shoulder required surgery. 

The long recovery time was spent in the hospital because she had no home to go back to just yet. It was an amazing three weeks she didn’t have to worry about being neglected or abused. 

Lexa could remember how much she cherished the nurses that took care of her. It was heartbreaking to leave that hospital and return to the mess her life was. 

She had dreamed one of the kind nurses would offer to adopt her and take care of her for the rest of her life. It hurt even worse to leave the hospital behind with that dream unreached.

She still had the scars on her shoulder from where they had to go in and fix the broken bones. The scar around her eye was barely visible but she knew exactly where it was and could point it out quickly if asked. 

She never shared those stories with anyone, opting to keep them buried with everything else.

Lexa shook herself from her thoughts of what had happened to her in the past and nodded her head to acknowledge Jake. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to that. Her birthday really didn’t matter to her but it appeared Jake had other plans.

Lexa was in the kitchen studying with Clarke a few days later when Jake came in with the usual bright smile on his face declaring he had news for them. 

“December 18th,” he said simply, not explaining what the date was. 

“That’s next Friday, what about it?” Clarke asked looking up from the textbook they were reading together from. Clarke had gotten Lexa to do some reading out loud in the privacy of the kitchen. 

It was a huge feat for the girls and Clarke absolutely beamed with pride the first time Lexa read a sentence to her.

“On December 18th, 2001 in Baltimore, Maryland one Lexa Anya Woods was born at 5:18PM weighing in at 6 pounds 7 ounces,” Jake said from memory surprising both girls. 

“Anya?” Lexa said quietly to herself, never having heard her middle name before. 

She had always figured her parents didn’t give her one. She only knew what her first and last name were because whoever had dropped her on the steps of the hospital had written her name out on the card that was left with her and she wasn’t even sure if the last name was her real one.

“I have your parents’ names, too, but I wasn’t sure you wanted to know them.” Jake looked to Lexa to see her reaction but she was still fixated on learning her middle name.

“Your birthday is next week,” Clarke said addressing Lexa directly when she saw her ignore Jake’s statement.

Lexa shrugged in response, still not understanding why that was a big deal. It just meant another year had passed. She didn’t get birthday presents or anything like that, she never had a birthday cake or a party. 

“I don’t want to know their names. They didn’t want me, I don’t want them.” Lexa answered Jake when it finally set in what he said.

“You turn seventeen next week,” Clarke tried again with some more enthusiasm in her voice this time. She could tell the topic of Lexa’s parents wasn’t a good one so she moved back to the birthday.

“I thought I was seventeen already,” Lexa answered still not feeling the least bit excited. 

“You’ll see how we handle birthdays around here, Lexa. We’ll get some of your closest friends together and have a dinner of your choosing and we’ll do cake. Raven makes amazing cakes, I’ll have her bake one for you. You like chocolate, right?” Jake questioned seemingly making more and more plans in his head as he continued to talk. 

Lexa could see the excitement coming off both him and Clarke and she just couldn’t get herself there.  
Lexa looked directly to Clarke hoping she’d be able to convey how overwhelmed all of this was making her with one simple look. 

Luckily, Clarke had gotten very good at reading her and quickly reached her hand out to take Lexa’s in her own. The anxiety that had started to creep up disappeared as the familiar warmth she always felt around Clarke took over. 

She could hear Jake still rattling off ideas for a party she wasn’t even sure she wanted to have but her focus remained on the calming blue eyes that were bringing her home once again.

That following Friday, Lexa woke up to the Griffins singing to her. All five of them had surrounded her bed and were singing happily. Not so pleasant images and memories flooded her mind as she backed against the headboard to get away from the perceived onslaught. 

She felt her bed dip slightly on her right and was brought back to the present when the familiar warmth returned in the form of a delicate hand placed on her knee. 

“You’re okay,” was softly whispered into her ear. The bright smiles on the faces singing to her helped to bring her back and to realize they weren’t coming in here to hurt her. 

“Today is your day, Lex,” Abby said to her after everyone finished singing. “We’ll make your favorite breakfast before school, Clarke and Bellamy will take you off campus for lunch, and then for dinner we’ll go out as a family. You can pick wherever you want to eat.” 

“That’s really not necessary,” she said quietly. 

She felt the hand on her knee squeeze slightly and looked up into the eyes of everyone around her. She could see their happiness and how badly they wanted to do this for her.

“It’s your birthday, we know you’ve never celebrated it before, but we’re hoping to make up for that. So, up you go, go shower and get dressed and meet us downstairs for family breakfast,” Jake encourage motioning everyone out of her room. The light pressure to her right didn’t move as everyone else vacated the room.

“If anything gets to be too much for you today, just let me know. We’ll escape if we need to,” Clarke promised leaning into her so they were shoulder to shoulder. 

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. It’s just another day,” Lexa said letting her head fall to Clarke’s shoulder.

It wasn’t every day that she was able to be this affectionate with Clarke but today she needed it. Clarke smiled down at Lexa letting her head fall gently against hers. 

“It’s not just another day, it’s your day. Your birthday deserves to be special. Please just let us make it special for you, I promise you it’ll be a good day. And like I said, if it gets to be too much, just let me know and we’ll escape,” Clarke promised taking Lexa’s hand into her own. 

She ran her fingers over Lexa’s causing a slight laugh to erupt from the sensation.

“I should go shower,” Lexa said after a few minutes, realizing the Griffins were probably waiting on her downstairs. 

“I’ll see you downstairs,” with one final squeeze to her hand, the warmth disappeared from beside her. 

She watched Clarke walk out of her room, smiling as she looked back and sent her one final wink before disappearing down the hall.

Lexa descended the stairs into the living room fresh from her shower dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white thermal. She had taken to wearing loose fitting clothes and darker colors. 

Abby had given her the freedom to pick out whatever made her comfortable and after searching through the entire girls section and coming up empty handed she had moved on to the guys sections were she quickly found plenty of clothes she loved and felt comfortable in.

Clarke had helped her find more clothes after she found out what type she was comfortable in. She had tried to stop the girl from buying her so much but Clarke brushed her off and continued on finding jeans and shirts she knew Lexa would like. 

Lexa did like them all, she didn’t really know how Clarke did it, but she always picked things out that Lexa wanted to wear.

Clarke’s wardrobe was vastly different from hers but even still, Clarke was able to understand and pick out what made Lexa feel comfortable.

Abby and Jake had given her a credit card after she had gotten settled in with them. They explained that it was something they gave to all of their children and she was free to use it as long as she stayed under the set limit he established for all of them. 

Lexa had yet to even take the card out of her wallet, refusing to take any additional money from the Griffins especially for something that she didn’t need at all.

Bellamy was the first to notice her come downstairs and motioned for her to take the seat to his left. 

“Bout time, I was getting ready to eat without you,” he joked giving her a smile when she sat next to him. 

Lexa laughed when she saw Raven reach over and give him a smack on the back of the head. “Be nice,” she chastised. Bellamy rubbed at the back of his head and sent Lexa an apologetic smile.

“You guys didn’t have to wait for me,” she told them, picking at the table cloth in front of her. 

She could feel everyone’s eyes on her and just wanted to get to eating. She wasn’t comfortable being the center of attention and was praying something would break the table of their focus. 

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m starving, let’s eat.” Her savior came from her left. She smiled at Clarke in thanks, feeling relieved as everyone started to dig in to the abundant amount of food on the table. 

Abby and Jake had gone all out, making everything Lexa had remembered mentioning she liked in the past. She watched everyone pass around the pancakes, bacon, eggs, and bagels before she felt the slight nudge at her leg. 

Clarke smiled at her and passed her the plate of pancakes. Lexa piled two onto her plate, she could tell Abby made them and she knew they were going to be amazing. 

Conversation around breakfast was light, everyone was more preoccupied with stuffing their mouth than talking about anything too important. 

When Lexa was asked a question or was directly spoken to, she always felt that small warmth along her knee grounding her and making it easier to answer the entire family. 

She was definitely making progress, but she’d be nowhere if it weren’t for Clarke. 

Clarke and Bellamy had taken her to a small diner down the street from school for lunch. It was much less stressful for her with just the two of them. She was able to be more open and talkative with them. 

Bellamy and Clarke made Lexa feel at ease and only brought up topics they knew would be easy for her to deal with.

Dinner was a completely different story, they were in a crowded restaurant surrounded by loud groups of people. Lexa could feel her anxiety creeping up on her from the moment she sat down at the table. 

Jake and Abby had insisted she sit at the head of the table so she didn’t have the security of Clarke right next to her this time.

She tried her hardest to pay attention to the conversation flowing around her table, she really did, but most of what she could hear was loud laughter and other table’s conversations. 

The various voices seemed to be attacking her ears, no matter what she was did she couldn’t get her focus to be solely on the Griffins and what they were trying to say to her. 

The voices around her started to get louder and louder, seemingly screaming right in her ear. She tried to look around to see who was screaming at her but all the faces seemed to blend together. She brought her hands up to cover her ears to attempt to block the loud shouting out but the noise penetrated right through it. 

She could faintly hear her name being called but was unable to focus on who was calling her. The faces swarming around her faded in and out, passing by her periphery. She knew her anxiety was at an all-time high and was manifesting itself as the panic she felt. 

She tried to get her legs to move from underneath the table so she could get away but they weren’t moving. She felt someone put a hand on her back but she was too far into her anxiety to let the comforting presence do anything for her.

She felt something wrap around her bicep and pull her up, the tug getting her legs working once again. 

She could still hear the screaming in her ears and she wasn’t able to figure out who was pulling her arm, though she had a good idea who it was. 

Before she knew it her back was against the brick on the outside of the restaurant and those blue eyes were penetrating her vision again. The cold air hit her hard, helping bring her back to reality.

“..okay… going to be… breathe… to relax,” she could heard Clarke talking to her but she was only able to understand every other word. The yelling had tapered off but her head was still swimming.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Just try and take deep breaths,” she heard every word that time, focusing her eyes on Clarke’s mouth to see it move along with the words. Lexa felt her anxiety beginning to leave her body and removed her hands from over her ears. 

“What…” she trailed off, not really sure what she was going to ask.

“You needed an escape, I promised I’d give you one,” Clarke answered with a small shrug and a warm smile. Even with her mind running faster than it ever should, Lexa still couldn’t hold back the smile that bubbled up in return. 

The two girls stayed outside for the rest of the dinner, mindless chatter passing between them. They had taken up a spot against the wall, sitting shoulder to shoulder. 

They reasoned they needed to huddle together to keep warm, but both girls knew they would sit that close no matter what the temperature was.

When the rest of the Griffins joined them outside with two take out containers they were all smiles and sent her looks letting her know that they weren’t mad. She didn’t know how they understood her so well, but it was glaringly obvious this family was very well in tune to what Lexa needed.

The right side of her bed dipped down later that night while she was staring off into space trying to get ahold of her emotions from earlier. She looked over to see Clarke settling in next to her, pulling the blankets up over them. Clarke didn’t give her any explanation, just turned onto her side and pulled Lexa into her arms.

“Happy birthday,” she heard whispered a few minutes later and for the first time all day, Lexa may actually understand what it felt like to have a special day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty Jake/Lexa heavy because I want to really establish that relationship. Don't worry, our girls will have their time as well.

Chores and housework were not something you did when you lived on the streets. You weren’t concerned with cleaning the area around you when you had to worry about other more important things like finding your next meal or just how cold the temperature would drop overnight. 

Lexa had to spend more time worrying about someone attacking her while she slept on the streets. 

Foster homes were typically overcrowded and full of kids with multiple behavioral issues. Because of this, chores were not enforced most of the time. 

The foster homes Lexa lived in were typically run by drunks who were more concerned with how they were going to get their next fix than with who was going to clean their house. 

The houses were typically messy and unorganized. Everything the Griffin house was not.

When Lexa moved into the Griffin home, Jake and Abby had taken to treating her just like the rest of their children, assigning her a few chores that she needed to do around the house. 

Simple things like doing her laundry or washing the dishes after dinner a few nights a week. 

The first time Abby had mentioned that her laundry needed to be done, Lexa insisted that she do it herself and from then on out, her laundry became one of her chores.

She sat in the laundry room for a good twenty minutes the first time she attempted to do her laundry, trying her hardest to figure out the machine she had loaded her clothes into. She had never operated a washing machine like this before and had no clue as to what she was doing. 

She had spent a lot of time in laundromats because they were open all hours and tended to be really warm from all the machines. 

She knew how to use a washer and dryer just from observing but this machine was unlike any of the machines she’d seen before.

There were all kinds of buttons and knobs and it all seemed foreign to her. She searched for a simple on switch, but it was clearly not that simple. Raven happened to walk by and stopped when she noticed how confused Lexa looked. 

“Need some help with that? They bought the most confusing machines ever, it took me a while to get them and I’m a mechanical genius.” 

Raven took the time to explain the machines to Lexa, helping her to get the load going and showing her how to turn the dryer on for when that was needed.

She had begun doing other things around the house without being asked, finding laundry that needed to be done or vacuuming and dusting the house when the need arose. She had taken to observing Abby when she was doing stuff around the house so she’d be able to mimic it later on. 

Bellamy liked to joke with her that she was making the rest of the kids look bad by going above and beyond what was expected of her while they did just what was asked of them. Lexa took pride in going the extra mile. 

She felt more at home that way. She felt like she was contributing to a household in a way she’d never been able to before.

Abby had tried to convince her to only do her assigned chores, but Lexa insisted that she help out more than asked. They had given her so much already, this was the least she could do for them and she found that she really didn’t mind doing the work. 

It helped her anxiety to keep busy and she was slowly building her confidence by feeling useful. 

Lexa found Jake in his study one afternoon while she was walking around the house collecting more laundry. She had been meaning to talk to him for some time now, but today was one of the first times in a while that it was just the two of them in the house. 

Bellamy and Clarke were both off at practice for their different sports while Raven was in class and Abby was at work.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked timidly from the door, folding her arms over her chest. 

Jake smiled up at Lexa and invited her into the study, motioning for her to take a seat across from him.

“You’re not doing more laundry, are you?” he joked causing her to blush obviously observing the laundry basket she had dropped near the door when she entered his study.

“I’m just trying to keep busy and help out a little,” Lexa tried to explain. 

“You help out plenty around here, Lexa. You’re the only one that really helps out around here. We appreciate it, but it’s really not necessary. I hope you know that,” he told her, shuffling the papers around his desk to make some semblance of order out of them. “Anyway, what was it you wanted to ask me?”

“I want to work,” she said simply, not looking him in the eye. She still had a lot of issues with eye contact but Clarke had started forcing her to look her in the eyes when they talked.

If she wasn’t looking in her eyes, Clarke pretended she couldn’t hear what she was saying or wouldn’t answer her until she did. It was hard at first but the more she did it, the more comfortable she grew with it. It was a lot easier with people her age, she still felt intimidated when talking to Abby and Jake. 

Authority had always been hard for her to handle.

“Isn’t that what you do around here literally all day?” he was confused by her request, they had just talked about how much work she was doing around the house.

“Well, yes, but I mean outside of the house. You and Abby give me money every week that I don’t feel like I earn. Clarke and Bellamy both have part time jobs, I think I should get one too,” she told him, feeling surer of herself as she sat there with him. 

When he didn’t react negatively, her fear had started to diminish. 

She knew it should always be that way, there was nothing about Jake that had ever indicated he would react badly to anything she said, it was just something she was still getting used to.

Jake looked at her for a minute, trying to gauge how serious she was about this. He could see her progress very easily. 

He could see her confidence growing and over the time she had been in his home, she had become a completely different girl than the one that walked into his office four months ago. 

He knew she still had a long way to go, she still had her bad days where no one could get to her, but those were coming few and far between at this point. 

She still had her struggles with school and was still fighting her inner demons, but she’s changing right in front of his eyes and he couldn’t be prouder. 

“Would you like to go for a ride with me?” Jake asked putting his papers aside. 

He knew Lexa was beginning to really open up with her therapist as well as with his youngest daughter so he thought she deserved to know a little bit more about his past and why he did what he did for a living.

“Oh, um, okay,” she replied shocked that he seemingly changed the topic out of the blue. “Let me just put this in the laundry room.” Lexa stood from her seat, grabbing the basket she had filled with dirty clothes and left the room to drop it off. 

Lexa wasn’t positive what Jake was going to show her. She had a good relationship with him, but she didn’t typically spend that much one on one time with him.

Most of her one on one time was spent with Clarke, who had become her support system in every way. 

She wasn’t sure if it was healthy the way she relied on Clarke but she couldn’t imagine their relationship being any different.

Jake met her in the hallway outside of the laundry room, leading her out of the house. 

She climbed into the passenger seat of his mini-van and buckled up, smiling when he put on the country station she had grown to love. She knew Jake wasn’t the biggest fan of country but he put it on just for her.

“Do you remember when I told you that you and I had more in common than you would ever think?” he asked breaking her out of the small trance she was in. 

She had lost herself slightly in the song that was playing over the radio. 

“Yeah,” she answered hoping he would finally explain what he had hinted at all those months ago. It had never left her mind but she never questioned him further. 

It wasn’t like her to push issues with people, if they were going to talk to her about something, they would do it on her own time. 

Out of all of her character traits, patience seemed to be one of the best developed or so Clarke liked to tell her. 

Lexa looked at the window as she waited for him to further explain himself. They were passing through the suburbs heading back to a familiar area of town for her. 

She hadn’t set foot into this part of town in four months and just seeing the familiar landscape fly by caused her anxiety to start up again. 

“Wh..Why are we here?” Lexa’s voice cracked slightly as she spoke. She was nervous about where they were going and afraid he was going to drop her off and leave her on the streets again.

“It’s nothing like what’s going through your head right now. Just trust me, I want to show you something.”

Lexa nodded and did her best to relax as they got closer to the center of the city.

Clarke had always made a point to drive around this area of town, having heard enough from Lexa to know she was not interested in returning to it. Plenty of times they found themselves taking a considerably longer route to their destination just to avoid these few blocks, something Lexa was very thankful for. 

She had done so much to try to forget the feeling of these streets that was quickly returning to her in full force as they drove closer to the downtown area she had called home for nearly two years. 

She tried to block out the ache that panged in her chest seeing the places she had wandered the streets searching for food. 

She remembered the feeling of being hungry all the time, never knowing where her next meal was going to come from. She looked down at herself, happy at what she saw for a change. When she was on the streets, she was always so skinny. 

She used to be able to feel her ribs without even pressing down on her chest, now she thought she looked healthy. She had gained a small amount of weight since she moved in with the Griffins, and never once felt hungry anymore.

Little things like a stocked fridge were completely normal to most people, but to Lexa seeing the fridge completely full every time she opened it was something she took as a blessing. 

She heard Bellamy and Raven complain sometimes about what was in the fridge or how there was nothing to eat and she had to shake her head at that. They would never know what it meant to really not have anything to eat and that was something she would never wish on anyone.

It was harder to forget how cold she used to get.

She remembered the feeling of being cold all the way down to her bones. She remembered shivering as she curled herself into the tightest ball possible to get even a little warmth. 

She recalled the tattered sweater that had become her lifeline, it had long since been thrown away along with the rest of her clothes she had been wearing when she walked into Jake’s office. 

She looked down at herself again, smiling as she saw the warm jacket Abby had brought home for her the first week she had lived with them. 

It was by far the warmest article of clothing she owned now and she found herself wearing it often, even if just to help her mentally forget she didn’t have to worry about shivering to death anymore.

“It’s time I explain a little more for you,” he said pulling onto a small side street not far from where Lexa spent a good portion of her last two years. 

He pulled in front of a small run down house that appeared to be abandoned and turned the car off. The sudden loss of music put Lexa slightly on edge. 

She wasn’t use to the quiet that encompassed the car and didn’t really know what to do to eliminate it.

“I grew up in there,” he said pointing to the house causing a confused look to overtake Lexa’s face. Lexa knew she remembered Jake telling her he moved to Arkadia from Los Angeles. 

Sensing her confusion he continued on. 

“I moved to LA for college, met Abby, and got married out there. She’s a native Californian, through and through so we stayed until a new job opportunity arose for her here.” He followed that with a light laugh, seemingly lost in memories. 

Lexa let him run it through in his mind, noticing the smile he had at what she could only assume is fond memories. 

“My mom died when I was ten. My dad never told me what happened to her, she was just gone one day when I came home from school. Later on I found out she had a pretty severe heart attack and died almost instantly,” he started, staring out to the house that must have held so many memories for him. 

He started to fiddle with his wedding band, Lexa noted it was the first time she had ever seen him show any sign of weakness or vulnerability. 

“My dad was the kind of guy that hated kids, I never could understand why he had three of his own. He wasn’t fit to be a parent, he barely knew how to take care of himself,” his voice took on a sadder tone and his previous smile had completely vanished from his face. 

Lexa knew he wasn’t remembering the happy times of his past anymore.

“When my mother died, he expected that we would just start taking care of ourselves. I was the oldest, my little sister, Amy, was seven and my brother, Ryan, was five so he expected the most from me. When one of us did something wrong, even if it was the most insignificant thing in the world, he would hit us. It started small, a slap here or there when we were out of line, but it got worse,” he stopped taking a deep breath. 

Lexa could see him struggle with the rest of the story, but she could also see the determination he had to get through the rest of it.

“Ryan was so little for his age, he never stood a chance against my dad.” Lexa could have sworn she heard a crack in his voice but she would never mention it. 

Her heart was hurting so badly for the man that had become the only real father figure she ever had. 

“I thought he had killed him. He wasn’t moving, he just laid there on the ground covered in bruises and blood. All over a small cup of water he spilled on the floor.”

Jake didn’t need to continue talking about the incident for Lexa to know exactly what had happened. She had been in that situation, she had been the one left bruised and broken before. 

As he talked Lexa started to feel the pressure return to her chest she always felt when she remembered the beating she had taken. 

“I was young, I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. We lied to teachers and neighbors who tried to question us. We lied to ourselves about how bad it had gotten, but not after that. After he nearly killed Ryan, I made sure everyone who could hear me heard what my father did,” the pride in his voice was evident. 

He may not have been able to stop his dad from hurting Ryan the first time, but he stopping him from ever doing it again.

“We were taken out of his care and sent to live with my aunt. It wasn’t ideal at all, but it was safe. Ryan recovered eventually, but he was never the same. You’ll meet him one day, he usually stops by around Easter with his husband.” 

Lexa couldn’t hide the surprise on her face even if she wanted to. She had started to get exposed to culture and society since she moved into the Griffin home and knew that what Jake just said was a taboo topic for some people. 

Jake spoke about it like it was completely normal, and Lexa could tell it was just one more thing that Jake completely understood and accepted. 

She started to doubt this man had any flaws. 

“I vowed from that day on, I would do whatever I could to help anyone that was in similar situations. I would offer money, shelter, food, protection, anything they needed to get themselves away from something like that. When the opportunity arose to go to California and study social work, I jumped on it as fast as I could and never looked back. I can’t solve all of the problems of the world now, but I am proud to say I have helped save some lives and got two amazing children out of it,” his voice was resolute as his finished his sentence. 

Lexa could feel the tears welling up under her eyes before he finished, but they immediately began to fall when he called her one of his children. 

“I see the same drive in you that I have routed deep within me. It’s completely up to you, but I think you would love to do some volunteer work with me at my office. The best workers we ever get are the ones that can be sympathetic to the people that need our help and I don’t know of anyone who would be capable of more compassion and understanding than you. I’ll pay you for the hours you do, if that’s what you decide you want,” Jake explained knowing Lexa wouldn’t turn down the opportunity. 

He saw a lot of himself in the quiet girl next to him. He knew she would flourish doing this work and wanted nothing more than to give her this chance. 

Lexa looked up at Jake and saw how serious he was about this. She had never thought about something like that before, but as the idea rolled around in her head, she knew it was right for her. 

If she could save people from ever going through what she went through or give them the opportunity to get out like Jake had gave her, she would do it in a heartbeat. Even if the job just meant doing busy work in the office, it would give her a chance to be exposed to it and see other people get saved. 

“I would love to,” she answered causing Jake to find his smile once again. He knew it was going to be perfect for her and would help her continue to grow and develop. 

“School still comes first but I’ll set you up with a few shifts a week. If your school work suffers because of it we’ll cut your hours down,” he warned knowing she was still have some issues with her classes. 

She was working closely with her teachers and Clarke to get her grades up, but it still would probably always be a battle for her. 

“Okay,” she said simply, knowing she would have to put more effort in with her school work and divide up her time more efficiently, but she was determined to do it.

Lexa didn’t know really know why, but she had a really strong feeling Jake’s offer was going to change her life once again. She smiled and sang along with one of her favorite songs quietly on the way home, looking forward to her first day of work. 

Clarke’s smile when she heard the news was as bright as Lexa had ever seen it. Clarke hugged her close and held her as tight as she possibly could, trying to convey how proud she was. 

“We have to go shopping for new clothes for work now. Oh, I bet you’d look amazing in button ups. Is your homework all done, we can go now if it is?” Clarke ranted off quickly, her excitement showing through.

Lexa took a minute to catch up to everything Clarke said before nodding. Lexa didn’t have it in her to turn down the offer when Clarke was so happy and excited about it.

Shopping with Clarke could be exhausting, Lexa had learned this months ago. 

Where Abby was efficient with her time, Clarke had no problem spending ten minutes choosing between two different shirts only to send Lexa off to try both of them on then ultimately decide to get them both.

When she came out of the dressing room in a pair of black dress pants that fit her perfectly and a green button up that made her eyes stand out, Clarke couldn’t help but stare. The blush that crept up Lexa’s neck at the intense gaze couldn’t be stopped. 

Clarke approached her after a few moments and straightened the collar on her shirt.

Lexa loved her personal space, she thrived well when she had her small bubble of space to herself. Clarke was the only one in her life that could easily step into her space and not make her completely overwhelmed. 

“You look really great. This color couldn’t be more perfect on you.” Clarke complimented and brushed off some invisible lint off her shoulders. 

Clarke’s eyes appeared to be focused on Lexa’s instead of the shirt. If Lexa didn’t know any better she’d say that Clarke was doing that just to be close to her. Lexa shook the thought off, it didn’t make any sense. 

Clarke stepped back after a minute, shaking her head as she did so. “Why don’t you go try on the other shirt now and I’ll go find a few more for you.”

Clarke was gone before Lexa had the chance to reply leaving her confused and wondering if she had done something wrong. Clarke wasn’t one to run off like that, especially not away from Lexa. 

She wasn’t sure what she could do other than return to the dressing room and try on the next shirt. She kept quiet for the rest of the shopping adventure, feeding off the quiet vibe Clarke seemed to be giving off. 

When they returned home with bags full of new clothes for Lexa, Clarke helped her hang everything up before disappearing off to her room with the excuse of getting her homework done for the night. 

Later that night when Lexa laid down to sleep, the right side of her bed remained empty and cold. She couldn’t remember the last time she had fallen asleep without her normal bedmate at least coming in to say goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is a big one for Clexa, stay tuned!
> 
> Any questions/comments feel free to talk to me over on Tumblr @Bradypop
> 
> If you liked what you read please leave a comment or kudo, it's a lot easier to write when I know people are enjoying it.


	8. Chapter 8

One of the most special moments of a teenager’s life is typically the day they turn sixteen and have the chance to get behind the wheel of a car for the first time. It’s the first in the line of ‘big’ birthdays and represents the first chance at freedom a teenager has. 

All of the Griffin children got cars after they passed their driving test. It was tradition for Jake to take them out a month or so before they turned sixteen and give them their first driving lessons.

When the topic got brought up to Lexa about driving, she quickly changed the subject. 

She changed the subject when Abby mentioned her needing an ID and suggesting they just get her a license. 

She changed the subject when Bellamy mentioned wanting to see her behind the wheel of his oversized pick up. 

She changed the subject when Raven offered to take her out for a drive in a car she had recently fixed up. 

Clarke quietly observed Lexa’s brush off of everyone, plotting exactly what she wanted to do about it.

“We’re going for a drive, let’s go,” Clarke pulled Lexa from her desk chair not giving her any options. 

They had been studying for a history test they both had coming up and Clarke was getting restless. She needed to get Lexa out of the house and behind the wheel. The awkwardness of the shopping trip had long since been forgotten between them.

“Okay,” Lexa answered following behind her, not that Clarke gave her much of a choice. 

Clarke grabbed her keys as they headed outside, climbing into her Lexus that was her pride and joy. Lexa climbed into her the passenger seat, immediately changing the channel on the radio to her station. 

Clarke took off quickly, heading in the direction of some small side streets. 

“Want to tell me where we’re going?” Lexa asked, not able to tell where they were going. She wasn’t completely familiar with their neighborhood yet so it was hard to tell exactly what Clarke had planned.

“We’re driving,” Clarke answered simply, still not really explaining why she had pulled the girl out of the house in the middle of their study session. Clarke usually took their study sessions very seriously, making sure Lexa stayed as focused as possible. 

“You’re being suspicious,” Lexa remarked quietly, not sure if she was being mean or not. 

She wasn’t trying to insult Clarke and she hoped Clarke wouldn’t take it that way.

“I’m just driving, nothing suspicious about that,” Clarke had a smirk on her face that told Lexa she was blatantly lying. 

Before Lexa could question her further, Clarke pulled to a stop in an empty parking lot. 

“You’re not taking me here to kill me, are you? I’ve survived a lot so far, it would be really unfortunate to die like this,” Lexa joked. 

They had developed a really comfortable relationship over the five months they’d lived together. Lexa was comfortable joking with Clarke, something she’d never done before with anyone. 

Clarke laughed lightly, shaking her head no and getting out of the car without another word. Lexa watched her walk around to the passenger side of the car. She opened the door and reached over to unbuckle her seat belt. Lexa was stuck still, watching every movement as Clarke’s arm grazed her thighs. 

Lexa wanted to comment, wanted to say something, but the words were completely lost to her. Those familiar butterflies Clarke always seemed to give her returned at full force. She felt a rush of warmth spread throughout her body but it wasn’t the familiar warmth she could normally equate to Clarke. 

This was different, this was stronger, more intense than anything else she remembered feeling. 

Clarke stopped with her hand over Lexa and looked up at her, her eyes darker than anything Lexa had seen on her before. 

Both girls stopped and looked at each other, enjoying the feeling they were giving each other. 

Clarke’s hand slipped from the buckle, jolting both of them out the gaze they were stuck in. 

Clarke pulled back, causing the warmth to dissipate from Lexa’s body. The seat belt passed over her, making her break eye contact to remove it from her lap. 

Clarke backed out of the car, offering Lexa her hand to get her to come out of the car. 

She walked her around to the other side, opening the driver’s door and ushered her back into the car, closing the door before she could protest. Clarke walked quickly around to the other side of the car, but Lexa was lost to what she was doing. 

“Why are you doing this? I can’t do this, I don’t need to be able to drive. I have you and Bellamy and Raven to do this.” Lexa panicked.

Her hands shook as she looked down at the steering wheel in front of her. The comfortable car that usually was a safe haven for Lexa suddenly made her feel very claustrophobic. 

She wanted out, she wanted to get away from this right now. 

She wasn’t supposed to be driving, Clarke did that, and it should stay that way. She felt Clarke take her shaking hand into her own, effectively calming the fear she felt for the moment. 

“I wouldn’t put you in that seat if I didn’t believe you could do this. We’re in an empty parking lot, it’s just me and you, and you can go as slow as you want. I believe you can do this and you will. I believe in you,” she reassured, keeping her hand in her grasp. 

Lexa didn’t dare take her hand away for fear that the suffocating feeling of being crushed in the car returned. 

“I thought you weren’t taking me out here to kill me,” Lexa mumbled under her breath, still terrified of doing this. 

She didn’t think she was ready for this at all, but Clarke’s faith in her was written all over her face and it gave her some hope that she could do this.

“I believe in you,” she reiterated, her voice strong and full of conviction. 

Lexa took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that were running rampant in her body. She nodded her head, looking back into Clarke’s eyes. She was doing this for her and she hoped she could convey that in one simple look. 

Clarke smiled seemingly getting the message.

It amazed Lexa how much words were unnecessary sometimes for the two girls. She was starting to really be able to read Clarke and what her looks meant and she knew Clarke had hers figured out a while ago.

“First things first, seat belt,” Clarke told her reaching back to buckle her own. 

The goose bumps that erupted over her body at the thought of Clarke’s arm flanked over her earlier were relentless, she only hoped Clarke didn’t notice them. If she was privy to the bumps showing up on Lexa’s skin, Clarke didn’t let on. Instead, she gave her hand one final squeeze and started to instruct her on what she needed to do.

The first few minutes were brutal for both girls in the car. Lexa felt like she was going to kill herself and Clarke because she couldn’t quite figure out the brake. Clarke nearly knocked her head off the dashboard more than once when Lexa pressed on the brakes too suddenly. 

Clarke just shook it off, keeping her same calm and collected attitude as she tried to ease the worry radiating off of Lexa. 

Lexa, on the other hand, was anything but calm and collected. She was one large ball of nerves and anxiety driving a very expensive, very prized car. 

“Stop for a minute,” Clarke said and tried to inconspicuously brace herself for the jolt she expected and received when Lexa once again put too much pressure on the brakes. 

She put the car into park and took Lexa’s hands in her own, forcing her to look at her. 

“You need to start breathing. I promise this will get easier if you just take a deep breath and start believing that you can do this. Do you understand how insignificant this is? Look at everything you’ve overcome in your life, everything you’ve dealt with and adjusted to and lived through. Are you really going to let something as small as driving a car beat you?” 

Something changed in Lexa at Clarke’s words. 

She had never heard it said like that before. She never really thought of herself as strong for surviving everything she did, she honestly thought she was pretty weak for being in that position in the first place. 

She never felt strong when she felt lost and starving wandering the streets. 

She never felt strong when she had to beg and plead for scraps of food that usually were not given to her. 

She never felt strong.

But Clarke, Clarke with her warm blue eyes and her grounding smile, made her feel strong. Clarke made her feel invincible. Clarke made her feel like she was worth something. 

Clarke made her feel.

“I can do this,” Lexa said, trying to make herself believe. It was quiet and underwhelming, but it was there. 

She spoke the words out loud. 

She believed.

“Yes you can,” Clarke agreed giving her hands a firm squeeze before letting go. “Now, put this thing in drive and show me.”

And Lexa did just that. 

It was still bumpy and she was a while away from being ready to be on the road, but she did it. Lexa drove around the parking lot for a good hour, feeling more at ease as she went on. 

After some time her and Clarke bantered back and forth. It was a normal thing for them, but for right now it kept Lexa completely calm. 

Lexa pulled to a stop after the hour, killing the ignition and looking over to Clarke who gave her all of her attention.

“I want to show you something,” she said quietly, starting to get nervous for what she was about to request. She knew Clarke would go along with it, and she knew she was ready, but it was still a huge step for her.

“Of course, anything,” Clarke reassured definitely curious as to what Lexa was going to share with her. 

Lexa climbed out of the car and motioned for Clarke to do the same, making them switch seats once again. 

“Drive downtown,” she instructed once Clarke was back in the car. She’d only been back downtown once and that was with Jake a month ago, but today was for a different reason. 

She had opened up to Clarke about a lot of her past, mostly explaining her foster homes and the experiences she remembered from that. She hadn’t been able to open up much about the two years she spent living on the streets and she was ready to do that. 

Lexa grew more nervous as they got closer to the once familiar area for her. She still couldn't shake the feeling of being trapped there and the painful memories that bombarded her when the few blocks she had called home for two years came into view. 

For a change, Lexa reached out and took Clarke's hand that was not on the wheel. It was almost always Clarke initiated any sort of contact, but right now Lexa needed it and she was going to get it. 

She directed Clarke through a few streets, the pictures of her past playing in her mind as they went.

"Stop up there," she said pointing to a small corner street with an alley right next to it. Clarke drove right up to it, parking diagonal to the alley. She turned the ignition off and turned to Lexa, waiting for whatever it was she wanted to share with her. 

Lexa looked right at Clarke, trying to pull herself from her past to help get this story out. 

The familiar blue eyes grounded her, bringing her back to the present and freeing her mind so she could talk. She couldn’t believe the affect two beautiful eyes could have on her, but it was always instantaneous and reliable and she was sure Clarke knew that. 

"I spent a lot of nights in there," she said pointing to the alley, noticing the familiar dumpster was still in the same spot along with the piled up old boxes Lexa had once used to protect herself from rain. "The shelters didn't always have room so I was turned away sometimes. Other times, they'd offer their floor to me so I could stay warm at night, but it was illegal and it wasn't often they let me."

Clarke gave Lexa's hand a tight squeeze but didn't interrupt, knowing it was really hard for her to get this out. Lexa paused slightly, trying her hardest to gather her thoughts. 

She took a deep breath and pinpointed in her mind what she was trying to get across.

"There's a small diner on the other side of the street. They dump their trash in that bin," she told her pointing to the dumpster along the wall. The shame was very evident in her voice which cracked slightly with the emotion. 

If Clarke noticed she gave no indication, instead she kept those penetrating blue eyes on Lexa. She didn't want to keep talking, she didn't want to admit she had to resort to digging through the trash just to get enough food to hold herself over for a few days. 

"When you go days with no food and don't see any options to get any, you do anything you can, including going through the trash. Sometimes I'd get so sick from what I found in there that I thought I was going to die, but I didn't really have a choice, I had to eat somewhere."

Lexa broke her gaze from Clarke in the middle of her speech when she felt her eyes well up with tears. 

She didn't understand the shame of the position she was in previously until she was able to look back on it and see just how bad things had gotten. 

All she ever knew was being unloved and uncared for, living with the Griffins had showed her what it meant to be loved and what true compassion is. She didn’t realize what she was going through was so horrendous until she was removed for it and shown what it meant to really be alive.

She tried to find another topic to move onto, not wanting to continue on about where she was desperate enough to eat food out of the trash. It was just embarrassing to her now and even if Clarke never judged her for it, she judged herself. 

"At my last foster home the parents were addicts that took kids in to get the check for more drugs. I was older so I knew how to get away and avoid them, but they use to shoot up right in front of some of the younger kids. My last night there my foster dad tried making me shoot up, he said it would make me more normal. He was always telling me that I wasn’t normal, that something must have been seriously wrong with me.” Lexa paused and took a deep breath, the memory of the night still painful.

“I tried so hard to ignore him, to just stay in my room and shut down so I could ignore whatever was going on under that roof. I couldn’t ignore it that night, not with that needle so close to my arm. I ran. I got away from there as fast as I could. I knew they'd just place me in another horrible home if I went back to my case worker so I ended up on the streets.” Lexa pointed to a brick wall in the alley

“I spent my first night sitting against that brick wall over there, praying that I could just die, hoping that someone would come along and end my misery. I prayed for that same thing for two years, and then your family came along and took it all away."

“Did you ever…” Clarke trailed off, trying to find to words she was looking for. “You’ve said things like that before, you never really tried to do that, right?”

Lexa couldn’t look back at Clarke as she shook her head no. “I thought about it a lot, I always thought it would make everything better but no, I could never do it.” 

Clarke seemed to relax at Lexa’s answer but held tightly to her hand, needing to feel Lexa there.

Lexa stared at the brick wall in the distance, remembering how the rough jagged edges dug into her back as she cried all night long. 

She didn't shed many years after that first night, she knew they were pointless and only made her feel more vulnerable, but that first night she couldn’t get them to stop. 

She couldn’t remember if she was crying because of everything she had lost, or crying because she realized she never really even had anything to lose in the first place.

“When I was twelve I spent almost a month in the hospital your mom works at now. I’d been slapped around before, it was nothing new to me to be on the wrong end of one of my foster dad’s bad moods.” Lexa finally looked up into Clarke’s eyes, trying to convey how hard it was to bring these memories up.

“But I couldn’t have ever been prepared for the beating I got that night. I was the oldest of six in my foster home, I was expected to take care of the rest of the kids. I fell asleep by accident and two of them made a mess. When my foster dad got home he saw the mess and beat me within an inch of my life. I ended up needing surgery on my eye and my shoulder and dealt with the pain of three broken ribs for months.”

Lexa took Clarke’s hand and placed it over the scar on her right eye. It felt more prominent than it appeared and the frown that appeared on Clarke’s face let Lexa know she felt the scar. 

“I want you to understand why I felt like this life was my only choice. People at the shelters use to tell me I was crazy because I was still young enough to be placed in a home. They didn’t understand what I went through in those houses. I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

Lexa trailed off by the end, her voice weak and vulnerable. Lexa felt Clarke cup her chin and turn her head to look at her again. 

“I have never believed for a second you were crazy. I think you are the bravest person I’ve ever met. You have no idea how badly I want to find every single person that hurt you and make them feel just how horrible they made you feel.”

"Drive down that street over there," Lexa instructed pointing to a street across the way. Looking into Clarke’s eyes while she sat that close made her feel things she couldn’t handle right now.

She needed to change topics, it all felt too heavy right now. She knew she was jumping around but she was trying to catch the less painful memories as they came and share them with Clarke.

Clarke did as she was asked, never once letting go of Lexa's hand. She needed to feel her hand as much as Lexa needed the comfort it brought. 

She stopped when directed and noticed they were in front of an old warehouse that didn't appear to be in use anymore. The windows were all boarded up and the door looked to have a decent sized padlock on it.

"I used to go in here to get out of the rain and snow. It wasn't always boarded up like this. People were selling drugs out of it and coming here to shoot up so the police raided it one day. I was inside ten minutes before it got raided, I just stepped outside to see if I could find some food and came back to cop cars all over the place.” Lexa looked around as though the cop cars were there at that very moment.

“They saw me and tried to question me but I didn't have any track marks or show any signs of being high so they told me to go home. They didn't even check to make sure I had one, didn't attempt to call my parents to make sure I was in good hands, they just passed me off and forgot about me, just like everyone else," Lexa recalled.

She moved to get out of the car after that, Clarke quickly following when she realized what she was doing. She walked right up to the side of the building and ran her hands over the rough exterior, the simple touch bringing back more memories. 

"I thought that was the end for me. I didn't have anywhere to go to get out of the weather anymore. The one place I even felt remotely safe was gone. During the next snow storm I tried my hardest to get to the shelters early so I could get a bed, but I didn't always make it. I spent a few nights right over there, huddled into the tightest ball I could get into. I didn't have any blankets or jackets or anything to keep warm.” Lexa wrapped her arms around herself despite the mild temperature of the night.

“One of the police officers came back to check on the building and found me one morning. I was almost dead. He brought me to the hospital where they treated me as little as possible because I had no money. I refused to give them my name or any information and lied about my age so they had to release me." 

Lexa remembered one particularly kind nurse that tried so hard to get her to open up, but by that point Lexa was so closed off and guarded she was a lost cause.

She wished she could go back and thank that nurse for showing her compassion. She knew the woman was going above and beyond what was expected of her with the way she took care of Lexa that night and she’d be forever grateful. 

She put the thought into the back of her mind to see if she could try to find that nurse again and thank her.

"You really are the strongest person I've ever met," Clarke whispered out, awestruck at the information she was hearing from Lexa. 

She used to complain if her dad left the air conditioning on too high and she had to put a sweatshirt on and here is this girl telling her she survived snow storms and torrential downpours all the while living on the streets and spending her days searching for food. 

"I wouldn't have made it if I were in your shoes," she admitted pulling Lexa close to her. She wasn't sure who needed the comforting more right now.

"I don't believe that for one second. You're really strong, a lot stronger than you think. Look at it this way, over the last five months, not only did you give yourself strength but you gave me practically all of the strength I possessed. I was at the end of my line when I came to your dad, but you kept pulling me back. You were strong for both of us," Lexa told her truthfully enjoying the close proximity of Clarke. 

Just having her close made Lexa forget where she was and why she was here.

“I think you’re the one that’s much stronger than they think. You’re inspiring, and I can only hope one day you really see that,” Clarke said simply, hugging Lexa to her side. 

They sat in front of that warehouse for almost another hour, with Lexa telling various other stories about the two years she spent on the streets and Clarke listening and comforting whenever needed. 

They grew closer that day, Lexa had finally let Clarke all the way in and shared her most vulnerable moments with her and both girls felt the shift that came along with that as they were driving back to the Griffin house much later that night. 

Neither could put their finger on what that shift meant or what exactly it was going to change for them, but neither really cared either. 

They had come so far and changed so much together already, they knew they were ready for whatever else was going to change for them. 

The right side of Lexa’s bed was full and warm that night as she drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. 
> 
> I really consider this a big turning point for Clarke and Lexa. Lexa has held everyone at arm's length for so long, Clarke really is the first person she has let all the way in. They will continue to grow from here.


	9. Chapter 9

The alarm on her bedside table rang loud enough to be heard throughout the entire upstairs. As she sat up Lexa could hear Bellamy down the hall groaning at being woken up so early. She had to laugh as she heard Raven swearing at the noise followed by her bedroom door shutting to drown it out.

Lexa glanced to her right at the girl that had fallen asleep next to her last night and laughed again when she saw that Clarke had pulled the pillow over her head to get away from the noise.

Clearly, Lexa was the only one in the Griffin house that didn’t seem to mind being awake early.

Abby was working overnight and wasn’t due home until after they’d left for school and Jake had explained the night before that he’d be up and out before any of them had woken up to deal with a case.

Lexa had jumped at the chance to cook breakfast for everyone, she set her alarm for extra early and spent the entire night planning what she was going to cook.

Abby and Jake loved cooking and they typically fought over who got to cook when. Abby cooked healthy food while Jake stuck to the more comfort food side of things. Lexa didn’t really get the chance to cook meals for her family and she wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass her by.

Nothing made her happier than being able to contribute to the family in whatever way she could. That combined with her love of cooking made this the perfect opportunity.

“I don’t suppose you’re going to help me out with breakfast?” She asked to the lump on the right side of her bed. Clarke had the blanket pulled all the way up to her chin and the pillow pulled over her head.

The groan of annoyance she got back gave her the only answer she was going to get.

Lexa reset her alarm for another half hour so Clarke would get up in time to eat and get ready before making her way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

She grabbed the pots and pans she would need and started on pancake batter. Jake had taught her his secret recipe a while ago and she couldn’t wait to cook it for the first time without him.

“This is a Griffin family secret. You’re the only one I’ve taught this to so guard it well.” He had joked with her.

She combined all the ingredients like he had taught her before heating up the griddle. She poured the first batch then got to work on some bacon. She knew the smell of cooking bacon would get at least Bellamy out of bed.

While the bacon cooked she grabbed some eggs and a large mixing bowl. Opening eggs had been a struggle for her from the beginning. Jake had tried to show her some tricks to do it a little quicker but that had resulted in lots of shells in their scrambled eggs.

She stuck to doing it slow and methodically, knowing no one appreciated getting crunchy eggs.

Once she had all the eggs in the bowl she added a little bit of milk and some butter and started whisking them so they’d get nice and airy. Those went right into another pan to scramble.

By the time she heard her alarm ring again upstairs, Lexa had four plates out on the breakfast bar full of food. 

Bellamy was the first to make it downstairs, his curly hair sticking up in various directions and his shirt on inside out. Lexa offered him a smile which he returned before he dug into the food. Bellamy had always eaten at an impressive rate, Lexa was amazed he didn’t choked on his food more often.

“No one’s going to take it from you, Bell, you don’t have to eat so fast.” Lexa only got a grunt of acknowledgement back as he continued to shovel food in his mouth.

Quietly she wondered why the Griffin children were only capable of grunts and groans in the morning.

Raven made her way downstairs a few minutes later. She had a hoodie pulled on with the hood pulled up over her head. She knocked into Bellamy as she went by and stole a piece of bacon off his plate when he turned to see what hit him.

Lexa figured that was probably why Bellamy ate like he was starving at all times.

Raven took her seat across from Bellamy and dug into her food, moaning obscenely when she tasted the pancakes.

“Son of a bitch, dad gave you his recipe.” Lexa smiled at Raven’s outburst. From anyone else Lexa would probably be a little scared, but she’d learned long ago that Raven had no filter whatsoever and was completely harmless.

“Yeah.” 

Lexa looked towards the stairs when she heard Clarke coming down them. She didn’t even realize she was smiling until Clarke met her eyes and smiled right back. Her smile was interrupted by a big yawn that made Clarke blush slightly.

She shuffled her way over to the breakfast bar, her flannel pants hanging too low on her hips making them hang over her feet. Clarke smacked Raven’s hand away when she tried to reach over to Clarke’s plate before she even had the chance to sit down.

Lexa placed a cup of coffee down in front of Clarke before finally sitting down to eat what she cooked. 

“Can you pass me the..” Lexa placed the sugar and milk in front of Clarke before she could ever finish her sentence. “Thanks.”

Lexa nodded before digging into her food. She couldn’t help but smile at the taste, proud of herself for getting the pancake recipe right.

The appreciative moan Clarke let out when she tried them herself really didn’t hurt either.

After everyone had eaten until they were beyond stuffed Lexa headed upstairs to shower while the other three cleaned up the kitchen. She had offered to stay but Raven had shooed her out of the room and promised they’d get it all done. 

She’d seen Raven’s idea of cleaning before, her room was typically a sneeze away from becoming a hazmat zone but Clarke had sent her a reassuring smile and reaffirmed their promise to get everything cleaned for her.

Because of her head start, Lexa was showered and dressed long before anyone else. She knew on Wednesdays Raven didn’t have her first class until ten so she figured she’d probably already fallen back asleep.

She took the chance to sit in the living room in the rare quiet and catch up on some reading for English class. She had a paper due next week and it always took her a little longer to read and comprehend everything so she tried to get a head start. 

She only managed to get one chapter read before she felt Clarke squeeze herself onto the love seat with her. 

“Breakfast was amazing, I didn’t get to say thank you earlier. I know how much that meant to you, I wanted to make sure you knew that we all really enjoyed it.” Lexa nodded with a shy smile.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Lexa put her book back in her backpack, knowing she wouldn’t be getting anymore reading done until later.

“We’re going to ride in separate from Bell, I’ve got practice after school and you’ve got tutoring. He doesn’t have anything so he wanted to take his truck so he’s not stuck at school waiting for us.”

Lexa nodded and gathered her stuff up. She figured Clarke was telling her that because she wanted to get going now.

“Oh and you’re driving.” Lexa’s eyes widened at that. Sure, they had practiced some since that first day in the parking lot but she still didn’t have her driver’s license, just a permit. Most of their practice had occurred in parking lots and quiet side streets. 

The route to school was neither of these.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late for homeroom.” Clarke pulled Lexa up and out of the house. She was seated in the driver’s seat before she even knew what was going on.

“I don’t know how you keep getting me in this position.” Lexa commented as she tried her best to calm her racing heart.

Clarke mumbled something under her breath that Lexa couldn’t quiet hear before reaching over to start the car before Lexa could completely psyche herself out of this. 

“Like I told you before, I believe you can do this. Just take a deep breath and trust yourself. You can do this.”

Lexa took a few deep breaths like Clarke instructed before she put the car in drive and started to school. The ride took probably double the amount of time it normally would but neither girl could find it in themselves to care. 

By the time Lexa was pulling into a parking spot and throwing the car into park she was so happy she almost felt like she could yell in joy.

“I told you that you could do it.” Clarke reached over and took Lexa’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

With the way her day had started, Lexa believed nothing could possibly bring it down. Between cooking breakfast for everyone and successfully driving her and Clarke to school, Lexa felt like she was on cloud nine.

Her good mood lasted throughout all her classes and through her tutoring session, which typically left her frustrated and grim.

After her session Lexa usually headed out to the soccer field to watch the end of Clarke’s practice but today she opted to stay in the library and do some more reading. She was just getting to a good part in her book when she felt someone sit down next to her.

Lexa looked up, expecting to see Clarke but instead she was met with an unfamiliar face. Lexa tried to wrack her brain to see if she could place who the girl was but she couldn’t remember seeing her before.

“I’m Erica but everyone calls me Echo, I don’t know that we’ve had the chance to meet.” The girl held her hand out for Lexa to shake but she just stared at it. 

Lexa wasn’t really comfortable meeting new people. Typically she had Clarke as a buffer to introduce her and speak for Lexa until she felt comfortable enough to speak. Now Lexa was alone and this girl was sitting way too close for comfort. 

Echo withdrew her hand when it was clear Lexa wouldn’t be taking it.

“I don’t meet to intrude on your studying, I couldn’t help but noticed you were sitting over here all alone and I wanted to say hi. I transferred here at the beginning of the year, I know you started a few months ago. We’re kind of the new people.”

Lexa continued to stare at her, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She seriously doubted their situations were anything alike.

“I’ve noticed you around, I’ve wanted to introduce myself plenty of times before but you don’t seem to be alone a lot. I couldn’t believe my luck when I walked in here and saw you sitting by yourself.” 

Instead of reading Lexa’s discomfort and moving away a little to give her some personal space, Echo scooted her chair a little closer. 

“Is that Pride and Prejudice? That’s one of my favorite books, are you reading it for fun or for class?”

Lexa placed the book down and tried to sit back in her chair to put some distance between them.

“Class. I have a paper due next week.”

Echo nodded and smiled at finally hearing Lexa’s voice.

“I’d be more than happy to help you with your paper, I’ve read it plenty of times before.”

Echo leaned her elbow on the table and rested her head against her palm causing her to lean into Lexa further.

Lexa couldn’t tell exactly what was going on. She didn’t understand why Echo was sitting so close to her and trying to offer help when she didn’t even know her. 

Something just felt off about this entire situation and Lexa wished she could figure out what it was. Lexa wished pretty often that she could figure out social situations better than she was able. Right now she really wished she could figure out what Echo was doing.

“Here, let me see your hand.” Instead of waiting for Lexa to offer her hand, Echo reached over and took Lexa’s hand and pulled it towards her. Lexa wanted to pull her hand back and go find Clarke. She felt so uncomfortable and invaded. 

Echo released her hand a moment later and stood again. 

“I look forward to hearing from you.” She sent Lexa a wink before she walked away. 

Lexa had to take a few deep breaths to calm her breathing once Echo walked away. She didn’t even notice the phone number on her hand until she started packing her bag up. 

Her brows furrowed as she read over the number with a heart written after it. She was so unbelievably confused by everything that had just occurred and this only made it worse.

Without wasting any more time, Lexa finished packing her stuff up and left the library. She really just wanted to see Clarke again.

By the time she made it down to the soccer field, practice was finishing up. Lexa could see Clarke talking to a few of the girls so she moved up to the bleachers and took a seat to wait on her. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Clarke saw her and broke away to come over.

Sure enough, just a few minutes later Lexa heard cleats scraping against the metal bleachers and looked up to see Clarke making her way over with a big smile on her face.

“Hey, wasn’t I supposed to meet you upstairs? Everything okay?” Clarke took a seat next to her, bumping their shoulders together lightly.

Lexa just offered a simple shrug, still so thrown off by everything.

Clarke reached over to take Lexa’s hand but froze when she noticed a phone number written on it.

“Where, um.. Where did that come from?” Lexa couldn’t figure out the tone in Clarke’s voice. She almost thought it sounded angry but there was something else there that didn’t fit anger. It’s wasn’t a tone she could recall hearing from Clarke before and that worried her.

Lexa brought her hands together and tried to rub the numbers off, not caring that she was irritating her skin with the rough motion.

“This girl, she, um, she wrote it on my hand. I was studying in the library and she came over and just started talking to me.”

Lexa was almost afraid to look over at Clarke, she was worried she had done something wrong and made her angry. She didn’t really know what she could have done that was wrong, but Clarke just seemed to tense and uncomfortable.

Lexa couldn’t really remember another time Clarke looked this out of sorts around her and it made her feel like crying. If Clarke was uncomfortable around her now, who would be there to help Lexa along? She relied too heavily on Clarke and her comforting presence to lose her.

She wanted to apologize, to beg Clarke to forgive her for whatever she had done. She wanted to promise over and over that she’d never do it again. She just wished she knew what it was.

“Are you going to call her?” Lexa was perplexed as she looked over at Clarke. Why would she do that? The girl had made her uncomfortable enough already, why would she subject herself to talking to her more?

Lexa shook her head and rubbed the ink harder, just wanting it to go away.

Clarke reached up and placed her hand over Lexa’s until she stopped tearing at her skin. Lexa felt herself relax significantly when Clarke took her hand. She didn’t really understand it, but Clarke just had the instant effect on her.

“Do you know why she wrote her number on your hand?” Clarke’s voice returned to normal after seeing Lexa’s discomfort with the whole thing.

Lexa shook her head again. Not for the first time in her life, she felt stupid for not understanding something that seemed obvious to others.

“I think she was interested in dating you.” 

Lexa was really thrown off by that. She didn’t quite understand why someone would be interested in her like that.

The only person Lexa had ever even considered in that light was.. well, it wasn’t Echo, that’s for sure. Lexa didn’t feel comfortable around Echo. She didn’t feel like she could open up and show Echo who she was and how she was feeling. Echo didn’t relax her. 

Only one person ever made Lexa feel any of those things.

“Did she make you feel uncomfortable? I can say something to her, get her to leave you alone.” 

Clarke sounded almost hopeful as she spoke, but Lexa just shook her head. She didn’t want to create any problems for Clarke. 

Lexa was a pretty firm believer in avoiding any and all confrontation. She’d dealt with enough of it in her life to never want to see it again. 

She could easily remember the screaming matches between some of her foster parents that typically spiraled into some type of violence. The last thing she wanted was for Clarke to ever get hurt trying to defend her.

No, Lexa could just ignore Echo, surely the girl would take the hint.

Except, she really, really didn’t take the hint.

When Lexa purposely passed her in the hallways with her head down, Echo made a point to stop and talk to her.

When Lexa focused in on her book when Echo walked into the library, Echo still sat down next to her and tried to strike up a conversation.

When Lexa hid out on the bleachers during Clarke’s practice, Echo somehow found her and sat next to her. 

Lexa couldn’t understand how Echo didn’t see she was uncomfortable with all the attention. She never really talked back, she didn’t think she was doing anything to lead Echo to believe she wanted her to continue talking to her.

But Echo just didn’t get the hint.

Clarke had mentioned many times that she would be happy to get Echo to lay off, but Lexa always refused the offer. She was terrified of causing problems for Clarke.

If she ever became problematic in one of her foster homes, she was punished by being slapped around. Sometimes if it was bad enough, she’d be sent away from the foster home and placed in an even worse one.

Neither option seemed very appealing to her now. She didn’t want to cause any problems so she just pretended it wasn’t bothering her.

She couldn’t really pretend anymore when Echo cornered her in the library one day after school. Typically Lexa stuck to the tables near the front but when she came in they were all taken. She found a quiet corner in the back and sat down to get some of her homework done.

Lexa wasn’t even sure how Echo managed to find her but not even ten minutes after she sat down on the small couch, Echo was sitting next to her. There was plenty of room for two people to sit with space between them but Echo sat right against her and placed her arm on the back of the couch behind Lexa.

“I think we’re finally alone now. I’ve been trying really hard to get you alone since I first laid eyes on you. I mean, you’re just so beautiful and you’ve got this quiet mysterious thing going on. I think it’s really sexy.”

Lexa searched around for any sign of another student but this part of the library was pretty well secluded. She could feel panic start to creep up in her as her head started to feel dizzy.

If Echo noticed Lexa’s panic, she didn’t say anything. 

Lexa felt her heart starting to race and her hands shake as she struggled to get her breathing under control. She wanted to scream but no sounds were coming out. She felt Echo take her hand and it made it even harder to breathe.

Lexa didn’t really know what happened next, her mind was too lost in the panic to take in her surroundings. She felt movement beside her and could faintly hear yelling but she couldn’t make out what it was. When her hand was finally released she brought both of them up and covered her ears and tucked her chest against her legs. 

It felt like she sat there frozen in panic for hours until she felt the familiar reassuring presence sit in front of her. The screaming in her mind slowly started to fade and she could start to make out the voice that was speaking to her.

The only voice that Lexa wanted to ever hear again.

“Lex…okay…take a…focus…me…” The words came through all jumbled but the gentle motion of Clarke rubbing her back brought her back to reality some more.

“You’re okay, you’re safe. It’s just you and me now. Just focus on my voice.” 

Slowly Lexa removed her hands from her ears and sat up again, her breathing returning to normal. She looked around, confused as to what had transpired. She didn’t see Echo anywhere and while she was happy about it, she was confused as to why.

“Don’t worry about her, okay? She won’t bother you anymore.”

Lexa looked up into Clarke’s eyes and just let herself get lost. Nothing grounded her more than those blue eyes. She honestly didn’t know where she’d be right now if she’d never had them to come home to.

“Let’s get out of here.” Clarke’s last words were barely above a whisper, she was just as affected by Lexa’s stare.

Lexa was happy to take Clarke’s hand and follow her out of the library. She never felt more at ease than when she was in Clarke’s company. Her past, her issues, her shortcomings, none of them mattered when she had Clarke by her side.

That night, the right side of her bed was empty again. 

Instead, the left side was filled with two girls clinging tightly to each other as they drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will admit this is not my favorite chapter. I'm not sure if it flows the way I'd like it to, something just feels off. I can't promise that I won't pull it at some point and put it through rewrites but for now, I'd like to hear how you guys feel about it.
> 
> Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on Tumblr.


	10. Chapter 10

The fast approaching summer meant a few things for Lexa. The most important one of all for her was the end of school. The end of the school year meant final grades and no matter how hard she had worked and how much she was tutored, some of her classes still overwhelmed her. 

She didn’t know exactly what her final grades were going to look like, but she was pretty sure they weren’t going to reflect the amount of work she had put in.

Her reading level had improved greatly over time, she had tested right at the high school level for the first time a few weeks ago. She still had issues reading in front of groups but she’d done it a few times and was making progress getting past it. 

She couldn’t help the smile that came to her face when she remembered how happy Clarke had been when they saw the reading test results she received a little over a week ago. Clarke wrapped her in a huge hug and even lifted her off the ground to spin her around. 

Part of Lexa was happier about Clarke’s reaction than she was about the great improvement she had made, but that’s just what Clarke does to her. 

She had managed passing grades on almost all of her last few physics tests so she had a little confidence when it came to that class. Her history class was a little bit harder but once she had learned how to study properly she had started to do much better.

Bellamy had made it his mission to get her on the right track and his help was tremendous.

Clarke had given her hints when it came to memorizing facts and they really helped her do well. Her Spanish class was a lot of memorizing as well so that had gotten better with Clarke’s hints. 

Math still remained her downfall. Her improved reading and studying skills did nothing to help her work through math problems that might as well be written in a foreign language. 

She had been working with Clarke almost daily to get through her assignments and studying for weeks in advance for tests but nothing helped her. 

Clarke had been the same patient calming presence she always was, showing her the proper way to do the problems multiple times and never seeming aggravated or frustrated with her. 

The only aggravation and frustration in the situation came from her.

She didn’t know if she was going to pass math and as the end of the school year approached quickly, her doubts only got stronger. She didn’t know what she’d do if she failed or what the Griffins would think of her.

The temperature was starting to get hotter and hotter each day in Arkadia and the Griffins were beginning to prepare their house and yard for a summer that was apparently going to be full of relatives visiting and pool parties. 

Lexa had noticed the landscapers outside the house when she got home from school one day and hurried past them. 

She could feel their eyes on her and it made her want to run in the house. Bellamy was right inside the door when she rushed in and noticed her discomfort and immediately asked what was wrong.

“They just… I don’t like being stared at.” She mumbled her response, letting him know the landscapers just made her feel uncomfortable. 

She didn’t recognize the look that passed over his face but she had a good idea what he was going to do when he rushed past her and out the door. 

She watched from the door as Bellamy laid into all of them, fear crossing their faces. She could only imagine what he was saying to them to cause that particular reaction. Normally she stayed as far away from violence as possible, it scared her considering what she had been through, but right now she felt safe.

She knew Bellamy was out there defending her, something that was still new for her despite the long months she had been in the Griffin home. 

It was still new for her to have someone care about her so much that they’d go out of their way to make sure she was safe and protected at all times. 

She noticed not long after she had started at school that she could look around the hallway and always find either Bellamy or Clarke somewhere around, trying to look inconspicuous but observing her. It made her feel better knowing one of them way always around. 

She had observed the bullying problems that existed at Arkadia first hand. She had seen many students being pushed into lockers or teased for being not popular. 

She had heard the horror stories from Miller about what had happened to him when he came out. She had seen the popular kids be merciless, but she had never been on the receiving end of bullying once. 

At first she thought she was just lucky, but then she noticed the presences that always were watching her.

She didn’t feel Clarke creep up behind her as she watched Bellamy scare all of the guys in the yard. She jumped pretty high when Clarke placed her hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. She put her hand over her heart and turned her head to look at Clarke.

“Sorry,” Clarke apologized stepping slightly closer to her. Lexa felt goose bumps spread over her body at Clarke’s close proximity. It happened all of the time now when Clarke was around. She wasn’t really sure what it meant, but she knew her body didn’t react to anyone else that way and she assumed that meant something. 

“What is he doing?”

“They were staring at me when I walked in the house, he’s defending me, I guess,” Lexa answered feeling Clarke tense slightly. She should have known Clarke would have the same reaction Bellamy did.

“I’ll talk to my dad about getting new people then,” Clarke said not leaving much room for Lexa to argue with her. She didn’t want to get the guys fired, she just didn’t want to be stared at. 

Lexa had never thought of herself as a good looking person. She didn’t have any self-confidence and had always been told she was a freak or that there was something wrong with her. She never thought people would ever look at her in appreciation and part of her was okay with that. 

She saw the way some guys at her school looked at girls and never wanted anyone looking at her like that. After the uncomfortable run in she’d had a little while ago with Echo, she was all set with anyone looking at her in that manner again.

When she was wearing the clothes that were larger on her, people didn’t really give her a second look, but when she started wearing tighter jeans and better fitting shirts she noticed more people looking at her. 

It was then that she started actively looking out for Bellamy and Clarke in the hallways, needing to feel their comfort. 

Lexa still primarily shopped for clothes in the men’s section, she still felt at her most comfortable in them. The biggest change was that she stopped buying things one size too big.

“I think Bellamy scared them enough to not do it again,” she said quietly looking down at the clothes she had on now. It was getting hot so she had a red beater on with a pair of shorts. There had originally been a flannel on over her beater but when she started to get too hot she had taken it off. 

Clarke had complimented her when she saw her first thing this morning and that had been enough for Lexa to not run back into her room and change into something else like she wanted to. 

“We’ll see, I’ll be watching them,” Clarke warned showing her protective side. Lexa could hear the hint of something else in Clarke’s voice but she couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was. It almost sounded like anger but she knew it wasn’t. 

It was the same tone Lexa had sensed when Clarke found out about Echo. She didn’t understand it back then either.

It was completely forgotten when she felt Clarke’s arms wrap around her midsection and her front press directly against her back. Clarke’s grip on her was tighter than usual but Lexa wasn’t about to question it. 

This had become one of her favorite places and she cherished every moment she got in it.

Later on that night, Jake and Abby called all of the kids into the living room. Lexa could tell they had something to tell them and couldn’t help the unease she felt. She knew it was unnecessary, they wouldn’t be giving them bad news, but she couldn’t shake the bad feeling. She’d been in too many similar situations that always resulted in something pretty bad happening to her.

“We’re going to visit Abby’s sister in Seattle for a week. Uncle George is having his knee replaced so we offered to fly over to help your aunt with the house. We’re leaving tomorrow,” Jake told them. Lexa didn’t really have much of a reaction to the news but she could see Bellamy break out into a wicked smile.

She had learned all about Abby and Jake’s extended families but she hadn’t had the chance to meet any of them yet. 

“We trust you all enough to be here by yourselves for the week, but Bellamy, no parties,” Abby said removing the smile from Bellamy’s face, but only briefly.

Lexa knew she’d be fine without them for a week, she’d spent a good portion of her life without parental supervision. She didn’t think anything would happen and it was clear that Jake and Abby trusted them. 

She felt Clarke nudge her slightly and sent her a smile which she quickly returned. Clarke was always very close to her and affectionate, but lately she had stepped it up some. Lexa didn’t know why, but she didn’t really care why either. 

She loved it.

“Everyone needs to make sure they get their homework done and just because we’re not home doesn’t mean you can break curfew. We’re trusting you here,” Jake reminded them adding a small amount of guilt to their previous warnings. 

“We’ll behave, no worries,” Raven promised appeasing both of her parents. It sounded completely honest to Lexa so she assumed Abby and Jake believed her as well.

“Good, that’s what I like to hear,” Jake smiled at them before heading into the kitchen to start on dinner. Abby followed after him and as soon as they were out of earshot all the Griffin children starting planning the party they were going to have this weekend.

“Didn’t they just say no parties?” Lexa whispered to Clarke who was sitting between her and everyone else. She wasn’t expecting them to turn around and start planning something their parents had literally just told them not to do. She wasn’t comfortable going against their wishes at all, that had always meant her getting kicked out of her houses in the past. 

“They always say no parties, we always have them. As long as the house is clean before they get back they never have to know,” Clarke explained to her, wrapping her arm casually around Lexa.

It wasn’t something she typically did but Clarke got the impression she was feeling extra needy today, although she was unsure why today was different than any others.

“I don’t like this,” Lexa told her leaning into her touch. She knew Clarke could convince her to do just about anything if she wanted to so she knew her protests weren’t going to change much of anything. She just really didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize everything the Griffins had given her.

“Hey, nothing bad will happen and stop worrying about ever going back there. You’re part of this family now, you’re never going to get kicked out,” Clarke tried to reassure, sensing Lexa’s fear. “It’s not going to be a huge ordeal or anything, just some friends getting together to have fun. You know me, you know I wouldn’t do anything that was that bad.”

Lexa knew Clarke was right. All three of them were good kids, they didn’t typically act out or get into trouble so she should trust that they wouldn’t get too out of hand with it. 

She nodded at Clarke, letting her get back to the planning her siblings were doing. Lexa sat back in Clarke’s embrace and just listened, not having anything to contribute to the conversation.

Not going to be a huge ordeal was probably about as far from the truth as possible. The large house was full of people. Some Lexa recognized from school, others looked old enough to be in college with Raven, which probably explained all of the alcohol that was in their kitchen. 

The music was blaring loud enough to give Lexa the worst head ache she had ever had before. 

She had searched the house once for Clarke but wasn’t able to find her. She needed the comfort only Clarke could bring her, there were too many people around and Lexa was well past overwhelmed. 

She couldn’t find any of the Griffin children and was starting to really panic. She didn’t notice the football player coming up to her until he was directly in front of her holding out a cup filled with some red liquid. 

“No thank you,” she tried brushing him off but he stayed right with her, trying once again to give her the cup.

“It’s just punch,” he said with a smirk, making her doubt that the cup had punch in it. She knew how much alcohol was in the house and she wasn’t interested in drinking it in the least. 

She had never drank a single drop before, after growing up with more than one set of foster parents that were alcoholics, she always said she’d never have any. She saw the horrible effects of it and never understood why people would do that to themselves. 

“I don’t want any,” she insisted and tried getting away from him again, but he was very persistent. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and he pulled her into his side. She frantically looked around for one of the Griffins to help her, but none of them were around. 

She didn’t understand, Bellamy and Clarke never left her to herself at school but now that she’s at a party with at least a hundred kids and all that alcohol they felt okay leaving her on her own. 

She didn’t want to sound like she was relying on them that heavily, but in all honesty she was. She wasn’t okay in situations like this, she didn’t know what she was doing half of the time in social situations and this made her anxiety soar. 

“No fun, baby, you need to loosen up. It’s nice to see you without your little bodyguard. I like these new clothes of yours, it’s nice to see you showing off that body,” he told her with a disgusting smile on his face. 

She felt her skin crawl slightly, she needed to get away from him before she fell into a complete panic attack. 

Her savior came a few seconds later and pulled her from the large boy’s grasp. Clarke pulled her out of the room and into the backyard where only a few people were hanging out. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Are you okay?” Clarke asked taking her right into a hug. Her grip was strong and Lexa could sense that same unrecognizable tone in her voice again. 

“I’m better now,” she said simply, letting Clarke hold her. 

The boy had really shaken her. Her panic attack was now starting to fade away but she still felt on edge. She knew for sure she wouldn’t be going back into that house, no matter what Clarke did. 

She was done with the party. If she had to sit in the backyard until everyone was gone she would. Her head was still pounding and now she felt anxious and fearful. 

It was the first time she’d ever felt some uncomfortable in the Griffin house and it hurt more than she would ever care to admit.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I went in the kitchen to get a drink and couldn’t find you afterwards.” It was only then that Lexa noticed Clarke wasn’t completely sober. 

She didn’t seem drunk but she clearly had a few drinks. It made her want to pull away from her. She didn’t want to be this close to someone that was drinking, even if it was the one person she trusted with everything that she had. 

She’d been beaten because of alcohol, she’d been neglected, tossed on the streets, and worse because of alcohol. She wasn’t okay with it. 

On top of everything else that had happened to her tonight, she couldn’t handle this so she did pull away.

“You’ve been drinking,” she observed in a quiet tone. To her credit, Clarke did look guilty.

“I had a few, it’s a party,” Clarke tried to reason with her but Lexa really didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to hear the reasons, she had heard them all before. 

Instead of answering, Lexa went to walk away, hoping Clarke would be smart enough to give her the space she needed right now. 

“Lex, wait, please don’t walk away. I’m not drunk, I only had two. I won’t drink anymore, I promise.” Clarke tried to stop her. 

Lexa just shook her head and kept walking. She didn’t really know where she was going to go, but that didn’t really matter right now. She just needed to get away. She looked quickly to the driveway but noticed that all of the Griffin cars were blocked by other cars so she just started walking. 

She walked for a good thirty minutes before she stopped, looking around to see that she had made it to the downtown area. She knew she shouldn’t be here, she didn’t belong here anymore, but this felt familiar to her and she needed that. 

She walked around to the alley she had spent most of her time in and took a seat against the brick wall. It felt just as rough and unforgiving as it had that first night sat here crying her eyes out.

She could hear her cell phone ringing, it had been for the last thirty minutes, but all the calls remained unanswered. She knew who was calling and why she was calling, but she just needed space. She needed to calm herself down and get away from everything for a little while.

She loved being around Clarke, she honestly was starting to realize just how much she loved being around her, but right now it wasn’t Clarke she was getting away from, it was the alcohol. 

Alcohol made her think of her foster dad that beat her within an inch of her life. 

Alcohol made her think about the screams she use to hear coming from one of her foster moms at the hands of another foster dad. 

Alcohol made her think of the homeless men that reeked of it as they tried to harass her on the streets. 

The last thing Lexa wanted was to spend another night in this alley, but the other option was going back to her house and witness the effects alcohol had on people. 

Neither really seemed like something she wanted to do.

An hour or so later, Lexa heard a car pull up outside the alley. She didn’t think much of it, people drove around down here all the time. Most of the time they were looking for drugs or something of the like, sometimes they were lost and just trying to get out of there. 

She got slightly more on edge when she heard footsteps coming at her. It was dark so it was hard to tell who it was from so far away, but it didn’t take long for her to recognize Clarke walking towards her. 

Her first instinct was to yell at her for driving when she was inebriated so she did just that.

“You shouldn’t be driving,” she chastised in a cold tone. She didn’t really have a mean bone in her body, especially for Clarke, but right now she was angry Clarke had endangered herself. 

“I didn’t. Harper was at the party and hadn’t had anything to drink so I made her drive me. We’ve been driving around Arkadia for the last hour. I should have come here first,” she said taking a seat next to her. 

She didn’t sit as close as she normally would, something that hurt Lexa more than she’d ever admit. 

“I’m really sorry, Lex. I messed up. I know how much you hate alcohol, I should never have had any.”  
Lexa knew she shouldn’t be as mad about this as she is. She knew that telling Clarke what she should and shouldn’t do is wrong, but this was just something that hit her so deep she couldn’t control it. 

She had no control over what memories hit her or when they did. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you what you can and can’t do,” she reasoned shrugging her shoulders. 

“If I’m doing something that has this bad of an effect on you, then I want to be told not to do it. I never want to make you feel like the only choice you have is to come back here. I want to protect you, not hurt you,” Clarke’s voice cracked as she spoke making Lexa turn to look at her.

She could see tear tracks already present on Clarke’s face showing Lexa that she had been crying for a while now.

“You’re not hurting me, it’s the alcohol. The house is full of drunk kids, I can’t go back there. I can’t be around it. I know that makes me the worst high school student ever, but I don’t care. I can’t control the memories being around it brings back,” Lexa reached out to take Clarke’s hand, hoping to convey that her anger wasn’t really with Clarke but rather the situation she had been put in. 

Clarke looked surprised at the action but grateful to have her affection right now.

“I told Bellamy to have everyone cleared out by the time I get back. This wasn’t fair to you, that’s your home too and we made you feel uncomfortable in it. We can sit here as long as you need, but it is safe for you to go back,” Clarke informed her. 

Lexa nodded and pulled on Clarke’s hand slightly so she scooted over so she was right next to her. She could tell Clarke needed the comfort right now that the girl usually gave to her so she returned the favor, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her as close as possible. 

The actions made Clarke cry harder, letting out all the fear she had felt when Lexa disappeared and all the guilt she had about causing it.

Lexa rubbed her back and did everything she knew Clarke usually did for her hoping to calm her down some. It took a few minutes, but eventually Clarke got a hold of her emotions and pulled away far enough to be able to look Lexa right in the eyes.

Clarke reached her hand up and placed it gently against Lexa’s cheek as she gazed into her eyes. Lexa could feel something different about this touch. It wasn’t something she could put her fingers on, but it almost felt like the area around them now was charged in some way. 

Her body reacted to the situation in a way she was also not familiar with. 

The normal warmth Clarke gave her was much more intense and appeared to be concentrated right in her stomach and chest and her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She got goose bumps on top of her goose bumps and any words she may have had previously completely disappeared. 

The girls gazed into each other’s eyes for minutes, neither of them moved and they only blinked when absolutely necessary. They were both so content in that moment and the last thing Lexa wanted was to lose that feeling Clarke was giving her right now.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me,” Clarke told her quietly, still not breaking eye contact. Her voice was strong, nothing like it was earlier when she had just sat down. 

There was no doubt in her tone. 

“I think I have a good idea,” Lexa admitted, knowing Clarke would catch her meaning.

Lexa knew she wasn’t the only one feeling the way she was. She could tell Clarke was right there with her, right on the edge of something huge. 

Neither girl knew when, but they could tell it wasn’t going to be long before they fell over that edge. 

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. As always, I'm over on Tumblr @bradypop feel free to send me any questions/comments there or comment here.


	11. Chapter 11

It happened on a Monday. It was the last week of school and Lexa had just come out of her math class with a heavy feeling of dread. Her teacher had handed back their last test and once again her grade was less than acceptable. 

Lexa knew what this was going to mean for her, she wasn’t going to pass algebra. She wasn’t going to move on to the next grade. 

She was going to be a disappointment for her family. 

Her family. She liked to repeat that in her head. A lot. She had a family now. She had a home. She had people who took care of her, loved her, nurtured her, and protected her. 

She had everything she had ever dreamed of. 

Lexa just hoped the disappointment that came from her not passing this class wouldn’t take all of that away from her. They had promised they’d care for her no matter what, she just hoped that remained true. It was hard for her to really open up and trust the Griffins, she really didn’t want to regret it.

Lexa had felt like something was off all day. She knew today was different than any other day she’d been at this school but she had thought it was just because Clarke hadn’t been in school with her. 

Clarke had woken up this morning with a high fever and horrible stomach pains. Abby had sent her right back to bed and sent Lexa off to school with Bellamy. Lexa had tried to argue to stay home herself but Abby gently guided her out the door.

Lexa didn’t have her security blanket. She didn’t have that reassuring presence always following her and protecting her. She didn’t feel at ease as she walked through the hallways. 

She didn’t even care that she felt this thrown off without Clarke around. Some part of her knows she shouldn’t be so reliant on Clarke but for now, she just was.

Bellamy was there, but it just wasn’t the same. The feelings that Clarke gave her when she was around were stronger and more relaxing than anything else she’d ever felt. She knew Bellamy did his best to be there, he just couldn’t provide the same help that Clarke could.

Bellamy wasn’t in the hallway when she walked out of her algebra class, he had reassured her he would be but she couldn’t see or feel him anywhere. She just brushed it off and tried to hurry along to her next class. She didn’t have to stop at her locker for books so she turned down the next hallway to get to physics. 

She was only three classrooms away from physics, nothing could happen to her between here and there.

Just as she rounded the corner she felt a foamy substance being thrown all over her, her words from earlier immediately proven wrong. The taste that seeped into her mouth was bitter and gag-worthy. She gagged and immediately tried to spit it out but she couldn’t get the taste to leave her mouth.

“No bodyguards around to protect you now, orphan,” the football player she had turned down at the party taunted, throwing the large cup down at her feet. 

The sticky white substance ran down her body, soaking her clothes and causing chills to run throughout her body. She wanted to curl in on herself and disappear. She wanted one of those cracks to open up and swallow her whole. 

Lexa had seen other students get foamed by the football team before, she never understood why they thought it was a good idea. It seemed immature and unnecessary. The school seemingly turned a blind eye to it happening, which infuriated Lexa even before she had fallen victim to it.

She could hear the laughter and could vaguely see the students surrounding her laughing and pointing at her. Her anxiety was overwhelming as the voices started to meld together. She knew she was about to fall into a panic attack and knew her usual savior wasn’t going to be showing up to pull her out of it. 

She could barely see a blur of moment in front of her eyes, but felt the lockers vibrate as the football player was slammed into them roughly. The sudden movement broke her out of her trance and allowed her to see what was really going on.

Bellamy had his forearm against the player’s throat, his other hand held his arm down. 

“That was really fucking stupid of you, Collins” he warned, his voice darker and more menacing than anything Lexa had ever heard before. She felt someone crouch down next to her, but she was too entranced with what was going on next to her. 

She’d never seen Bellamy like this before and as much as it felt good to have someone protecting her, it scared her to death. Seeing that brute force and violence terrified her.

Lexa knew that violence would never be turned around on her, but it didn’t stop her from shaking in her spot. She’d been on the receiving end of that pain before and it was not something she ever wanted to go through again. 

She tried to keep herself in the present, she was beyond tired of falling into memories when something bad happened around her. She was stronger than that now, she needed to fight through this. 

She couldn’t hear exactly what Bellamy was saying to the boy anymore, but his face gave away the general idea. It was clear he was alarmed and just wanted to get away from Bellamy. 

Bellamy looked in her direction briefly, and immediately broke his contact with the football player. She knew he could see how scared she was and knew he was smart enough to stop before it got to be too bad.

Bellamy had heard her stories before, he knew all about what had happened to her in the past. He even offered to go after the guys and make them pay. Lexa had refused, of course, opting to let sleeping dogs lie. 

The football player disappeared down the hall quickly and Bellamy’s stern glare at everyone else made them disappear, too. 

Lexa still felt the presence next to her and looked over to see Harper crouched down next to her, protecting her from what was going on. She handed her a small towel to wipe the foam from her face. Lexa barely even felt the foam anymore, she was still concentrating on what had happened next to her.

She took the water bottle Harper was now offering her and used it to rinse the horrible taste out of her mouth. It didn’t completely disappear but it was lessened to the point she didn’t feel like throwing up anymore.

Bellamy knelt down in front of her after the hallway had cleared, removing some of the foam from her hair. It took Lexa a few seconds to fully relax around Bellamy after what she saw but when she did his protective presence made her feel safe again.

“What do you say we get out of here?” he asked, pulling her up from the floor. She nodded and turned to Harper, thanking her for helping her out. 

It was nice to see she had real friends like Harper now. She remembered back to the beginning of her time in school when Harper wasn’t able to support her, now she was right there with her when things weren’t going well for her at all.

“Do you think..” she hesitated trying to figure out what it was she really wanted. “Maybe we could go somewhere that’s not home? I kind of want to just go somewhere and breathe for a little bit.” 

Lexa knew Clarke would be passed out on the medicine Abby had given her so she had no real incentive to rush home right now. 

“How about we swing home so you can shower and change then we’ll go out? That will get really uncomfortable really fast if you don’t wash it out. Plus, you can check on Clarke while we’re home like I know you’ve been dying to do all day,” he called her out. 

It was the complete truth, she’d been worried about Clarke all day and had wanted to call her multiple times but Abby had warned her that she was giving Clarke some strong medicine to help her sleep off the pretty bad cold she had caught. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” she confirmed, following him out of school. Neither cared much about missing the last few classes, they only had three more days of school, they weren’t going to be missing much.

Normally she would be completely against missing any classes but the teachers had been giving them busy work all work in preparation for the end of school.

Lexa hated climbing into Bellamy’s truck. It was too big and too powerful for her liking. Bellamy, on the other hand, was in love with every bit of it, the overly loud engine, and the flashy color, everything that made Lexa hate it. She climbed in and buckled up, wanting to secure herself as quickly as possible. 

Bellamy always drove extra cautiously when one of his sisters was in the car. He may not be the oldest, but he acted like it was his personal job to protect every single one of the Griffin girls, including Lexa.

The music blared as he turned the key in the ignition and Lexa cringed. She hated the hip hop and rap he listened to, and Bellamy knew that so he changed to her station, as the whole family had started calling the local country station. 

Lexa gave him a small smile, knowing he never changed the music for anyone, he barely even turned it down when someone asked. 

Clarke wasn’t the only one that changed certain parts of themselves to help her get comfortable.

The ride home didn’t take long, it never did when Bellamy was driving. He liked to joke he was doing something wrong when he wasn’t going at least double the speed limit. They both ran into the house, Lexa made her way up to Clarke’s room first. 

“I’ll meet you downstairs in like twenty.” She promised Bellamy before ducking into Clarke’s room.

She was very uncomfortable with the quickly drying foam covering her, but she needed to see Clarke. 

She wasn’t used to spending time away from Clarke for any extended period, and today had been really hard on her. They were getting closer and closer and this sickness seemed to halt that all together. 

Clarke had been really taken out of everything with the high fever and the connection they had been building had to be put on temporary hiatus.

Lexa was dying to get that connection back, but she knew Clarke needed to rest this off. She knew she would be back to normal in no time and then they could figure everything out from there. 

They were both determined to figure out what it was between them and Lexa knew the few days that Clarke was out of commission wouldn’t stop that. 

She walked into the room and made her way over to the side of the bed, the left side as always. She didn’t want to sit on the bed and get the foam on it so she knelt next to Clarke and brushed some of the hair out of her face. Clarke stirred slightly and moved closer to Lexa but never actually woke. 

Lexa sat there for a few more minutes, just watching the steady rise and fall of Clarke’s chest. She could still feel the heat coming off of her in waves and knew she was still pretty sick so she leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaving the room to go shower.

After her shower, which she probably washed her hair three times before it finally didn’t feel sticky and gross anymore, she dressed quickly and went in search of Bellamy. She found him sitting around the breakfast bar, eating an apple. 

“Ready to go?” she asked as he turned to look at her. 

He threw her an apple which she caught and started to clean off. She wasn’t a huge health food fan but she tried to eat as much as possible. With a doctor in the family most of the food cooked in the house tended to be on the healthier side. 

When Abby worked her overnight shifts Jake would order out pizza for the kids as long as they promised to never tell their mom even though they all knew Abby was wise to his plans. 

Lexa followed Bellamy out to his car, laughing slightly as he gave her a boost into the car. She mumbled an embarrassed thank you, still cursing his awful oversized car. Bellamy got in and left her station on, singing along with her. 

Lexa wasn’t big on singing in front of people, but it was comfortable with Bellamy. He was always so laid back and relaxed which immediately put Lexa in the same mood. 

“Any idea where we’re going?” she asked not recognizing the route he was taking. She had become familiar with her surroundings in the months she’s lived there, but she still didn’t have it down perfectly just yet. She still didn’t drive all that much but that was just because she loved being in Clarke’s passenger seat. 

Hell, she just loved being around Clarke, it didn’t really matter what they were doing.

“Out of Arkadia,” he told her simply, not really answering her question. She didn’t spend much time out of Arkadia, at least she hadn’t in many years. Only two of her foster homes weren’t in Arkadia and she never left when she was on the streets. 

Lexa nodded even though Bellamy couldn’t see her and tuned back into the song that was on. Lexa focused on the radio and watched the route they traveled until Bellamy turned the car off at a small park. 

It had a swing set and a slide. It was fenced in but looked like it hadn’t been used in years. The grass was overgrown and the chain on the swing was broken on one side.

“I don’t remember much about my childhood, but I remember coming here. It was a lot nicer back then, but it’s familiar and that’s all that matters,” his story was seemed out of the blue, but it helped her feel closer to him. 

He didn’t explain much about his childhood usually, but she loved getting the small glimpses he’d give every once and a while. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” he said quietly after a moment. Lexa felt her stomach drop slightly, not really sure where he was going to go with this. “I see the way she is with you, you’re her world. I’ve never seen her like that before. After she came out to us last year she was so different, she was sad. She was accepting who she was but she was just so alone. Then you came along, you made her happy,” Bellamy explained making so many emotions run through Lexa all at once.

It warmed everything in her to hear how happy she made Clarke but all she could focus on was one sentence. 

“When she came out..” she trailed off knowing he understood what she was asking without her having to fully say it.

“You didn’t know?” his tone was very shocked. “I figured she told you, she’s been very open about it. You’re the only girl I’ve ever seen her notice, though. It’s like you walked into the house and changed her world forever. Mom and dad see it, too. They’re betting each other over when it is finally going to happen. They’re happy for you two.”

Lexa didn’t know what to think. She didn’t even know what was going on between her and Clarke but apparently the whole rest of the family was clued in to it. Clarke and her hadn’t talked about anything, they couldn’t just yet. 

They both just continued on, cuddling and testing what boundaries they could and couldn’t push. Nothing giant had happened yet, but they both knew it was coming. 

“I don’t really know what’s going on. She makes me feel things that I don’t understand. She makes me happy. She… She’s everything,” her voice got smaller as she finished talking. She’d never talked about her feelings before and didn’t really know if Bellamy was the right one to do it with, but it felt better as she as she got it out.

“It’s strange. I consider you my brother and I guess I look at Raven as my sister, but I’ve never seen Clarke that way. She has always been different in my eyes. It should be weird but it’s just not. She just fits right there next to me.”

“I don’t really know a whole lot about love and all that, I date a lot but it’s never serious, but what you two have, it’s special. It’s important. It’s not something that comes around very often. So keep going, get it right. I promise you it will be the best thing you ever did,” he made it sound so easy, so perfect. 

Lexa thought about it for a minute, maybe it really could be that easy. Maybe they could just be together, no more of this dancing around the issue. Maybe she could just wait until Clarke was better again and kiss her. It was all she thought about now, why not just do it? 

What was really keeping her from doing it?

A part of her was always worried the Griffins would be angry. The dynamic was probably strange to outsiders looking in but to Lexa, Clarke was never her sister. Their connection had been more than that from day one.

Now that Bellamy had told her Jake and Abby were actually betting on them to get together, that whole concern was out of her head.

She didn’t really have any other answer so she knew there was no reason not to take that next step. They both wanted it. They both wanted it more than anything in this world and they could have it.

As soon as she was better, they’d have it.

“I think you’re right, Bell. Thank you so much,” she told him reaching over to give him a hug. It was probably the first time she’d ever done it, but it was the perfect moment and he was more than happy to give one back.

When Lexa got back to that house late that night, she changed into her pajamas and snuck into Clarke’s room. She had been warned to stay away so she didn’t get sick but after her revelations of that day, she needed to feel Clarke next to her. 

A few days later an extremely sick Lexa couldn’t even be mad at her predicament. She was strangely happy to be sick if it meant she got to curl up next to Clarke every night. 

Besides, she had an amazing nurse taking care of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. As always, I'm over on Tumblr @bradypop.


	12. Chapter 12

Sometimes before a big moment, you get this dread in the pit of your stomach. It overwhelms you, it fills you with an unyielding sense of fear and trepidation. Sometimes it’s cripples you to the point that you need to crawl into a small corner and just sit there until the feeling passes. Other times, you have to fight through the fear and overcome it. 

Lexa stood on the precipice of those two extremes right now. She wanted to crawl into a corner and just hide until she didn’t feel like her body was giving out but she also wanted to fight through this and get what she’d been thinking about for months now. 

Finals had come and gone and summer was here now. Lexa hadn’t managed to pull her grade up in algebra enough to pass the class but the teacher took sympathy on her and worked out a summer program for her so as long as she passed that she’d be a senior come September. 

Clarke and Bellamy had already promised her they’d do whatever they could to help her as long as she promised to spend a good portion of the summer relaxing by the pool with them. They had watched her struggle and fight through the school year, they both knew she deserved the chance to relax.

Lexa had quickly found how much she loved sunbathing by the pool and just generally being outside in the nice weather so the deal with Bellamy and Clarke was easy to accept. 

She was still self-conscious about her body so Raven had taken her shopping for bathing suits. She discovered that she was comfortable in a bikini top as long as she had board shorts with them. 

Raven had managed to keep the ridiculous comments to a minimum as Lexa tried on different options, which Lexa considered to be a victory in of itself.

The first day she wore the outfit to the pool she noticed Clarke’s staring at her not so discreetly so she knew it was a good choice.

Lexa knew what she wanted to do. She knew what she was dying to do. Finding the courage to actually do it was the hard part. Even though she was almost positive the feelings she was having were completely and totally mutual, she couldn’t find it in herself to act on it. 

She didn’t know the right way to go about it and the last thing she wanted was to do something wrong. She thought about asking Bellamy for more advice but even that terrified her. She knew Bellamy had allowed her to open up about it a few weeks ago but she wasn’t sure if that opportunity was still there.

Raven had hinted at the subject when she took Lexa shopping but she avoided discussing it with her. She didn’t want to talk about her feelings with other people just yet, she really wanted to talk to Clarke about them, but couldn’t get herself there yet. She had worked up what she thought was enough courage and motivation to do it multiple times only to back down when she was finally in front of Clarke. 

She had been working all week to get to the point where she could finally show Clarke how she felt when it all fell away. Jake and Abby had decided to take the whole family on vacation to their family lake house. The annnouncement took the wind right out of Lexa’s sails. She had been talking herself up for days, planning on finally going through with her plans for this weekend, but now they’d be driving to Virginia Beach to spend two weeks relaxing as a family. 

Lexa didn’t really know what to think about all of this. She’d never been on a real vacation before. She’d only ever been out of the state once and that because one of her foster moms was picking up drugs right outside of state lines. 

Now she’d be going away with a real family for fun and enjoyment. She didn’t know what to expect but she assumed she was going to get to have some fun and who knows, maybe this vacation would give the girls the chance to finally finish this journey they were on. 

“All packed?” Lexa heard behind her as she pulled her suitcase onto the bed. The voice sent chills down her spine and caused a bright smile to break out on her face. She spun around and greeted Clarke who was leaning casually in the doorway watching what Lexa was doing.

“I think so. I don’t know if I brought enough clothes or not,” she explained sitting on the bed next to the suitcase. Clarke made her way over, unzipping the bag and looking to see what Lexa had packed. 

“I think you should be good. If not, you can always wear some of mine, I over packed,” she reassured zipping it back up and sitting down next to Lexa. Clarke didn’t even hesitate to reach out and take Lexa’s hand, intertwining their fingers immediately. Lexa couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she felt that warmth that only Clarke could ever bring spread up her arm and down the rest of her body. She noticed Clarke fidget slightly next to her and gave her a questioning look.

“I was hoping you’d drive with me. Mom and Dad are taking one car and Bell insisted on driving his truck with Raven. I thought maybe me and you could-,” Clarke started but Lexa’s answer in the affirmative cut her off.

“Yes, absolutely yes,” she knew she sounded too enthusiastic but the goofy smile Clarke gave off afterwards made it worth it. 

The ride itself took forever in Lexa’s opinion, not that she was complaining about that. It was a glorious eleven hours spent cooped up in a car with Clarke singing along with the playlists Clarke had made for the ride. Clarke took Lexa’s hand when they got into the car and it stayed that way the entire ride, only breaking apart when they all stopped for lunch and to stretch their legs at the hallway point. 

Lexa was pretty sure Raven and Clarke had never been to a rest stop this run down before judging by the looks on their faces as they walked into the building. Raven turned immediately with a look of horror on her face and pulled both Lexa and Clarke to the bathroom with her, claiming she wasn’t going to go anywhere in this place alone. 

“If I’m going to die in this hellhole, you two are coming with me.”

Lexa laughed at the irony of the situation, to her this place looked decent compared to what she had previously been used to. She guessed it really had to do with perspective. They didn’t stay there long and opted to use the vending machines to get food rather than buy something from the questionable cafeteria food they were serving. 

Jake and Abby promised to take them all to a nice dinner when they get to Virginia Beach before climbing back in their cars and taking off to finish the trip. Lexa offered to drive for a portion of the way but Clarke politely declined the offer.

“I like driving,” Clarke answered simply, starting the car back up and going to follow right behind her parents. Their hands connected again quickly. Lexa kept a tight grip on Clarke, loving the feel of the connection they had. She knew this was going to be a good two weeks, at least she was going to do everything within her power to make it amazing. 

They arrived to the beach house around midnight and they quickly agreed they were all too tired to do much of anything but go right to bed. Lexa stopped in front of the large house and stared in awe for a long few minutes. It was a beautiful white house with a large wrap around porch and the beach right in the backyard. 

There was a small dock connected to the beach with four jet skis and a small speed boat anchored down. She could hear Raven and Bellamy yelling about getting to ride the jet skis but the voices seemed far away. She was so awestruck at the large house in front of her. 

She didn’t feel Clarke sneak up behind her until her arms were wrapped around her midsection and her front was pressed directly against her back. She felt warm breath hitting her neck and knew Clarke had placed her head just over her shoulder. She had her head angled in so her next words were spoken directly into Lexa’s ear.

“It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” she whispered but Lexa was so lost in the feeling of being that close to Clarke she wasn’t able to process what the girl had said to her. Her entire body was completely hyperaware of every touch and every move Clarke made. The air that passed by her ear as the girl spoke sent noticeable shivers down Lexa's body causing Clarke to hold her that much closer.

“There are four rooms, you’re going to have to bunk with me. I didn’t think you’d mind,” Clarke’s tone almost felt playful to Lexa. It definitely didn’t help the chills that were running rampant over her skin. 

“I don’t,” Lexa managed to get out, not really knowing where she had got any words from. Her brain was a mushy mess right now and her heart actually felt like it was beating right through her rib cage. She wasn’t really sure how she was going ever make the move to further their relationship when she got this flustered and out of sorts by just being around Clarke. 

“Good, let’s get our stuff inside so we can get into pajamas and get into bed. I’m sure all the rooms have been claimed by now so let’s go see what they left us,” Clarke whispered to her again, not actually pulling away from her. Her grip actually felt tighter until she let out a small sigh and pulled away. 

Lexa felt the loss instantly, her body was cold and the haziness that Clarke had caused in her mind dissipated. 

Lexa was stuck still for a moment, still getting her bearings back. It amazed her that Clarke was still able to have this great of an effect on her after all this time but she didn’t really question it anymore. She watched Clarke pull the bags from the trunk of her car and went over to help, grabbing a few and following her into the house. 

She was immediately hit with a warm cinnamon smell that seemed to float throughout the entire house. She looked around at the darkened room and smiled. She was looking forward to touring the house in the morning but for right now, she was looking forward to getting into her pajamas and getting into bed with Clarke. 

The room that was left to the two girls was larger than either of their rooms at home. It had a bathroom directly attached and after a quick glimpse inside, Lexa noticed there was hot tub. The ideas that popped into her mind to help along her plan were endless now that she knew there was a hot tub in the bathroom just for them. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. 

“Here,” Clarke told her coming up behind Lexa with a pair of shorts and a tank top in her hands. Lexa took the clothing and changed in the bathroom. She took a minute to compose her nerves before she went back out. She had figured out how to get a good grip on her emotions quicker than she used to be able to. Her nerves settled as she looked in the mirror at herself. 

Her hair was thrown into a messy bun and her clothes sat well on her body. She was void of make up as she usually was. She only wore it on special occasions and usually Clarke or Raven put it on her. 

She found Clarke already changed and in bed, laying on her back staring up at the ceiling seemingly waiting for Lexa to come out of the bathroom. The nerves Lexa had quelled a few moments ago in the bathroom returned full force as she slid in next to Clarke. She took a deep breath as subtly as possible, trying not to let Clarke in on the nerves she was feeling. 

Clarke turned to face her as she settled in, giving her a bright smile that made Lexa return one just as bright. Even after the long drive and the late hour the last thing on Lexa’s mind was sleeping and she got the impression Clarke was right there with her. 

Lexa took another breath before turning to face Clarke. She didn’t realize just how close they’d end up after she turned. She ended up barely a few inches away from Clarke. She was so close she could see the specks of green in Clarke’s blue eyes. The moonlight was passing through the curtains enough to fall across Clarke’s face and illuminate the unique color. 

Lexa sat mesmerized for a few minutes, never breaking the eye contact. Neither girl moved at all, they both were stuck in the gaze of the other. Lexa could see Clarke’s eyes dilate slightly before her gaze fell to her lips. It was a slight movement that Lexa would have missed if she wasn’t looking directly into Clarke’s eyes. 

Almost subconsciously Lexa let her eyes fall briefly to Clarke’s lips, noticing just how easy it would be for her to reach out and finally kiss her. To finally do what had been plaguing her mind for months now. All she wanted was to lean forward slightly and feel those lips against hers, even if just for a brief moment. 

She’d played the moment over and over in her head in the last months, always thinking about what she would do and how it would happen. She had tried to plan it, she had tried to make it something special, but as she lay in bed next to Clarke in that moment, she knew all her planning and thinking had been for nothing. This was the moment. No planning or big gesture was needed. 

Lexa should have known big gestures wouldn’t matter when the time really came. It had always been the little things for the two of them. The small hand holds, the barely there touches, the quiet but strong presences. It was the little gestures that meant everything to them and as they lay next to each other, looking deep into the opposite’s eyes, the little gesture was about to mean everything.

Lexa didn’t know who moved in first, she didn’t remember much of anything as Clarke’s lips landed gently against her own. It was calm at first, just a simple brushing of lips over hers. She immediately could taste the mango lip gloss Clarke had on and decided it was by far the best thing she had ever tasted in her life. 

They each waited for the other to pull away, to react badly, but neither did. After a few moments of just brushing their lips gently together, barely even moving, Lexa felt Clarke’s hand cup the back of her neck and suddenly she was flying. Suddenly her body was on fire and full of chills and frozen all at once. 

Suddenly she was home.

The kiss was everything Lexa had ever dreamed of. It was intense and unassuming. It was calm but powerful. It was overwhelming but leveling. Her mind was going a mile a minute trying to keep up with the clearly much more experienced Clarke was, but she could tell Clarke was teaching as she was kissing. 

She kept the rhythm of the kiss steady, letting Lexa stay right with her. Her brain was purely and completely mush at this point. Her thoughts were solely revolving around the kiss. She knew her hands should be incorporated into the mix somehow, but she was at a complete loss as to what she should do with them. She didn’t really know how Clarke noticed her predicament but she felt Clarke’s hand leave her neck suddenly and grab one of hers bringing it down to rest against her hip. 

That was one of the biggest things about Clarke that drew Lexa in. She always seemed to know what Lexa needed. She knew when Lexa was panicking internally and always knew how to make that panic disappear like it was nothing. Clarke just knew Lexa and it was undeniably attractive.

Lexa found a little courage after that, letting her thumb rub gently against the skin that was revealed. She could feel Clarke shiver slightly as she rubbed the smooth skin underneath her hand. Their lips never separated as Clarke’s hand came back up to Lexa’s neck. It played with her the hair at the back of her neck slightly before running down and cupping her cheek. 

She could feel the gentleness Clarke was putting into the kiss and it made her heart beat that much quicker. Lexa felt like she was being treasured and appreciated and it made her want to stay in this moment for the rest of forever.

The last thing Lexa wanted to do in that moment was pull away. She had finally got the kiss she had been dreaming about for months but air was becoming too much of a necessity. Her lungs were beginning to burn and the already present lightheadedness in her brain was getting to be too much. She didn’t think it would be a good idea to pass out on Clarke after she finally got to kiss her. 

She pulled back from the kiss slightly, putting only a few inches between them so she could get air back into her lungs. Clarke seemed to think that distance was still too far and scooted herself even closer, pressing their bodies tight together and resting her forehead against Lexa’s. 

Both girls were struggling to get air back into their lungs but neither complained for a second.

“Wow,” Clarke husked out, clearly not capable of saying much more than that. Lexa could only nod in agreement, her boggled mind was so far from able to form words it wasn’t even funny. Lexa was lucky that she remembered how to breathe at this point. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Clarke whispered, her hand still running over Lexa’s cheek. Lexa’s hand never stopped drawing small circles against Clarke’s hip, neither girl was ready to not be touching the other one. 

“I think I might have an idea,” Lexa told her, impressing herself by actually managing a full sentence. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess that was completely centered on Clarke’s lips. She wanted to feel them again, she wanted to never forget that feeling.

She knew there was a really good chance that she would never forget that moment for as long as she lived, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She wanted those lips permanently engrained in her mind. She wanted to be able to close her eyes and feel those lips against hers forever. 

There was a very obvious and intense tingling in her lips that she was only beginning to feel now that her brain was beginning to return from the haze Clarke had put her in. She tried to gauge how Clarke was handling all of this but all she could see was a bright smile on her face. 

“Can I do that again?” Lexa asked quietly, almost afraid that she was going to be turned down. She didn’t really know what Clarke was thinking, all she could see was the smile. 

For all she knew, Clarke had wanted to feel that once and get it out of her system and would easily move on now. She prayed that wasn’t the case but she was already beginning to prepare for that being possible.

Instead of answering, Clarke used the hand on the back of her neck to pull Lexa into a kiss. This one was more intense than the last, something Lexa honestly didn’t think was possible. 

The slight parting of Clarke’s lips and the angling of her head drew Lexa in closer. Clarke was in charge completely, but she was guiding Lexa along. Each time she changed direction she eased Lexa into it, helping her learn what she was going to do and how to react to it.

Words didn’t need to pass between them, they knew each other so well their feelings could go unspoken. Lexa knew Clarke was saying how much she cared with each gentle brush over her cheek. Clarke knew Lexa was saying how scared and excited she was with each tremor of her hand over the skin of her hip.

Clarke taught her plenty that night and Lexa knew she’d remember every single bit of it. They had fallen so far over that edge and Lexa wanted nothing more than to continue falling for the rest of her life. She wasn’t looking back, she wasn’t remembering anything about her past. She was, for the first time in her life, completely and entirely in the moment. She was falling, further and further and she hoped she never stopped. 

They spent hours kissing that night, the moonlight eventually disappeared from Clarke’s face only to be replaced with the sunlight as morning came up on them. Neither girl cared that they would be exhausted the next day. This was the moment they had been waiting for and they finally had it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I think that's what everyone has been waiting for, right? Let me know if it lived up to your expectations.
> 
> Head over to my tumblr to check out some art I made for Shelter. I figured the big chapter deserved something little extra. 
> 
> As always comments/kudos are amazing. Tumblr: @Bradypop

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bradypop over on Tumblr. I might post a few sneak peeks over there if people are interested.


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